Men put all kinds of expectations on you. They want you to scream 'You're the best' while swearing you've never done this… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking. — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone. — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
I don't categorize myself. I don't think I'm perceived as a female act by my audience. My fans include just as many… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
A man who was loved by 300 woman singled me out to live with him. Why? I was the only one without… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
For a single woman, preparing for company means wiping the lipstick off the milk carton. — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
Men in power always seem to get involved in sex scandals, but women don't even have a word for 'male bimbo.' Except… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
Guys wake up at your place and they expect breakfast. They don't eat bagels and M&M's in the morning. They want things like toast.… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
I always had a running commentary in my head that was extremely funny and off-center, but I never said it to anyone. — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
The thing about breaking up when you get older, you just don't have the steam anymore. "Oh, that's it. I can't start shaving my… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
I'd much rather see Richard Pryor or Jackie Mason in a theater than in a club. — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
Now that the Court has declared money to be speech, I say we replace the current Court with some Ben Franklins, Thomas Jeffersons, George… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
People are giving birth underwater now. They say it's less traumatic for the baby because it's under water. But it's certainly more traumatic for… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
President Reagan is a lot like E.T. He's cute, he's lovable, and he knows nothing about how Americans live. — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
I deliver very traditionally, and people aren't threatened. I think if I cursed or seemed wilder, I couldn't get away with the amount of… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
There's only one difference between Jews and Catholics. Jews are born with guilt, and Catholics have to go to school to learn it. — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
Men put all kinds of expectations on you. They want you to scream 'You're the best' while swearing you've never done this with anyone… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
