Comedy Quotes by Andrew Dice Clay

I think that a lot of men, especially once they're married, feel like their girl is just who she is, so don't treat her…

— Andrew Dice Clay

You gotta be happy when you wake up in the morning and look at what's next to ya. You wanna just hop on it…

— Andrew Dice Clay

My mother was the one who totally got behind me as far as, do things and ask questions later. My father would say, "I…

— Andrew Dice Clay

Comics, a lot of them, are really depressed people, and I happen to be somebody that does have a lot of confidence. That's the…

— Andrew Dice Clay

Even as a stage performer, I have my garb which is leather jackets and black jeans to make me feel a certain way. The…

— Andrew Dice Clay

I like when something makes you think after you stop watching.

— Andrew Dice Clay

When you jerk off, you're saying "Hey", I care about me.

— Andrew Dice Clay

I like real girls. When they're in bed with you, it's not a show. They just want to do that.

— Andrew Dice Clay

I do whatever I do. I go to the club. I work on material. While other people are sleeping, I'm awake. I always liked…

— Andrew Dice Clay

Women today leave the house in animal prints and six inch stilettos, what does that say? I'm going to church? They're saying I want…

— Andrew Dice Clay

I think the best part of being gay is when you're done [with sex], you could turn over and talk about football.

— Andrew Dice Clay

There are very few comics that understand about exciting the crowd, and that's what I always prided myself on: giving a more confident macho…

— Andrew Dice Clay

If you hide what you really are, then there's going to be problems in marriage down the road. I don't mind if a girl…

— Andrew Dice Clay

When you're at your own parents' funeral, when you're at somebody that you love's funeral, you realize how precious life is. And you say,…

— Andrew Dice Clay

I might do cartoonish sexual jokes, but it's my way of saying what's going on in the world. How people are animals, really.

— Andrew Dice Clay