Cartel Quotes by Doug Stanhope

I had no musical or athletic ability, and I wasn't particularly good looking. Comedy was something I could do for attention.

— Doug Stanhope

Jesus died for your sins. I'm doing it for your mere entertainment dollar.

— Doug Stanhope

I believe that everyone should be treated as an individual. Women should be treated equally in the right to vote, sure. But if Im…

— Doug Stanhope

They say 'life is precious'. To who? To you, when you're young and you've got a few dollars in your pocket. Tell that to…

— Doug Stanhope

The ultimate act of cowardice is the fat-headed wrestling guy sitting behind the frail kid in math class, clipping him on the ear, saying:…

— Doug Stanhope

There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life.

— Doug Stanhope

The whole acting and Hollywood [thing], it's just work to me. Stand-up comedy ruins you so badly for doing television. I don't really need…

— Doug Stanhope

You should laugh everywhere you can find even the slightest glimmer of humour.

— Doug Stanhope

I have no fear of death, except I hate waiting for it.

— Doug Stanhope

Everybody's angry. They've got nothing to be angry at, so they're angry about nothing.

— Doug Stanhope

People who want to kill other people are the last people I want to party with, because I get mouthy when I drink.

— Doug Stanhope

Democracy is the worst kind of government, I'm sorry. Would you still call yourself a Christian if they elected a new Jesus every four…

— Doug Stanhope

You forget, when you're in the Scandinavian countries, you forget they don't speak English first and they speak better than I do.

— Doug Stanhope

Life's temporary for a reason, it gets boring after awhile.

— Doug Stanhope

The more business gets involved, the less fun it is.

— Doug Stanhope