Aargh! I’m too short for this shit!

“One of the classier features of this home was the padded toilet seat. It was high-mileage puffy brown vinyl-colored foam and made that weird…

— Adam Carolla

“Holy hell, Trev! What kind of move was that?” Trevor leaned over her with a big smile on his face. “You really thought I…

— Cecilia Aubrey & Chris Almeida

“Every child is born as angel.”

— Lailah Gifty Akita

“Is there any holy beings like human beings?”

— Lailah Gifty Akita

There's little in taking or giving, There's little in water or wine: This living, this living, this living, Was never a project of mine.…

— Dorothy Parker

“Some women walk towards a better future. Others have chauffeurs.”

— Ljupka Cvetanova

In the olden days in England, you could be hung for stealing a sheep or a loaf of bread. However, if a sheep stole…

— Mike Harding

Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened on either…

— Mark Twain

The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and…

— P. J. O'Rourke

“Shut up, you fool...Really. I’m running out of things to throw at you.”

— K.M. Parr

“There's something not quite Christian about it," Tony said. He sat back in his chair and looked up to where his Bible sat on…

— Joey Comeau

“Can you imagine life without the horror genre? There would be no monsters. Only a**holes.”

— Michael A. Arnzen

Almost makes you want to go to jail out here, doesn't it?

— William J. Clinton

The USA is so enormous, and so numerous are its schools, colleges and religious seminaries, many devoted to special religious beliefs ranging from the…

— Peter Medawar

“I'm going to use them to track him down and thwart him." "Thwart?" Sarissa asked. "Thwart." I said. "To prevent someone from accomplishing something…

— Jim Butcher