Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of…

Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids and asteroids called asteroids? Wouldn't it make more sense if it was the other way around? But if that…

— Robert Schimmel

Nothing can be said about our politics that has not already been said about hemorrhoids.

— Anonymous

Hemorrhoids can bleed, typically after a bowel movement, producing blood-streaked stool or toilet paper, .. The blood may turn water in the toilet bowl…

— Alfred the Great

Sir, this lane is for ten items or less. I’m counting thirteen items in your cart, including that hemorrhoid cream. And while hemorrhoids might…

— Anonymous

You must be Pain in the Nick.” – Dev “Huh?” – Nick “Don’t wet your pets. Just a figure of speech. Your mom’s been…

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

One poll showed that Americans have a higher opinion of witches, the IRS and hemorrhoids than Congress

— Tom Coburn

I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I think God created ex-wives to remind us that hemorrhoids really aren't the biggest pain the ass!

— Jason Lee

I saw a sign one time that said 'hemorrhoids awareness week' at the doctor's office. Let me tell you, if you got hemorrhoids, I'm…

— Larry the Cable Guy

The one who swallows cactuses with spines should not complain about hemorrhoids.

— Etgar Keret

I have, of all the inglorious things, a malignant hemorrhoid. What color bracelet does one wear for that? And where does one wear it?…

— P. J. O'Rourke

The other thing that's useful for me is this notion of the absolute versus the relative:if we walk out and it's a beautiful morning,…

— George Saunders

When I first started out, I was considered a crackpot. The doctors used to say, "Don't go to that Jack LaLanne, you'll get hemorrhoids,…

— Jack LaLanne

I was playing basketball, and I had hemorrhoids in high school.

— Ari Shaffir

The movies are celluloid hemorrhoids. No, worse: They're celluloid Bon Jovi.

— Kyle Smith