Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I make fun of people who are religious, because they're fundamentally weak. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Religion is like a pair of shoes…Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.” — George Carlin Copy Share Image
How come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelette? — George Carlin Copy Share Image
When in comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Matt 13:57. Then Jesus told them, 'A prophet is honored everywhere except in his own hometown and among his own family.' The… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Meanwhile, followers of Eastern religions are sitting in the middle of their minds, experiencing a bliss and a level of consciousness that… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
To me, authority is something that a freer spirit, a more independent mind, and a person who can handle the world, doesn't… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“When it comes to BULLSHIT…BIG-TIME, MAJOR LEAGUE BULLSHIT… you have to stand IN AWE, IN AWE of the all time champion of… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Everything that you know about yourself comes from thinking back, and I think I saw religion as the first big betrayal of… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The only good thing about religion is the music. Because nature is filled with balances and opposites, there are always exceptions to… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“There's also way too much religion in the South to be consistent with good mental health. Still, I love traveling down there,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
This is a lttle prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I credit that eight years of grammar school with nourishing me in a direction where I could trust myself and trust my… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“You know what these “God Bless America” people oughta do? They oughta check with that Jesus fellow they’re so crazy about. They’re… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think religion is very anti-man. I think it's a terrible distortion and exploitation of a very natural urge every human has… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
We use up words like 'spiritual' so fast in this culture. Twenty years ago spiritual had a distinct meaning. But now there's… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Religion - religion, at best - at BEST - is like a lift in your shoe. If you need it for a… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Religion has convinced people that theres an invisible man ¦ Living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I've begun worshipping the sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The Religious Right dislikes both abortions and homosexuality. But who has fewer abortions than gays? — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The Christians are coming to get you, and they are not pleasant people. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
None of the Christian religions do [interest me]. They're all outer-directed. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share
These days many politicians are demanding change. Just like homeless people. — George Carlin Copy Share
![“We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people.” quote by George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/f08/george-carlin-155_americans_we-americans-are-not-a-freedom-loving-pe_2631602.jpg)
![“Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.” quote by George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/e3e/george-carlin-155_earth_results-like-these-state-of-the-earth-do_1686567.jpg)
![“None of the Christian religions do [interest me]. They're all outer-directed.” quote by George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/a50/george-carlin-155_christian_none-of-the-christian-religions-do-inter_2074435.jpg)
