Inspirational Quotes by George Carlin

How is it possible to have a civil war?

— George Carlin

Language always gives you away.

— George Carlin

Surround yourself with what you love.

— George Carlin

“Fuck rational thought”

— George Carlin

So far, this is the oldest I've been.

— George Carlin

Your home is your refuge.

— George Carlin

I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius.

— George Carlin

The planet is fine. The people are f****d.

— George Carlin

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

— George Carlin

Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

— George Carlin

Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.

— George Carlin

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!

— George Carlin

There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.

— George Carlin

We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

— George Carlin

E-I-E-I-O is actually a gross misspelling of the word farm.

— George Carlin

I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep.

— George Carlin

We're not supposed to mention f***ing in mixed company, but that's exactly where it takes place.

— George Carlin

Sometimes guys'll say to you, 'Have a good one'. I say, 'I already have a good one. Now I'm looking for a…

— George Carlin

Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.

— George Carlin

Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.

— George Carlin

Religion is like a pair of shoes…Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes.

— George Carlin

Some people think of the glass as half full. Some people think of the glass as half empty. I think of the…

— George Carlin

History is not happenstance: it is conspiratorial. Carefully planned and executed by people in power.

— George Carlin

Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away

— George Carlin

Matt 13:57. Then Jesus told them, 'A prophet is honored everywhere except in his own hometown and among his own family.' The…

— George Carlin

I find it discouraging - and a bit depressing - when I notice the unequal treatment afforded by the media to UFO…

— George Carlin

Everyone smiles in the same language.

— George Carlin

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

— George Carlin

Hooray for most things!

— George Carlin

When will all the rhetorical questions end?

— George Carlin

The planet isn't going anywhere. We are.

— George Carlin

A pear is a failed apple.

— George Carlin

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard

— George Carlin

Meow” means “woof” in cat.

— George Carlin

I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.

— George Carlin

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

— George Carlin

We are all precancerous.

— George Carlin

Is there another word for synonym?

— George Carlin

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

— George Carlin

Why are a 'wise man' and a 'wiseguy' opposites?

— George Carlin