“I once saw a snake having sex with a vulture, and I thought, It’s just business as usual in Washington DC.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Like ice, this economy is more fluid than ever. Thanks, Washington, DC!” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to send Satan back from whence he came. But where did he come from? Probably Washington DC. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You don’t have to visit an asylum to see insanity. All you have to do is visit Washington DC.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Congress needs to act now. Seriously, leave Washington DC, move to Hollywood, and leave the rest of the country alone.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“With the economic depression and unemployment at record levels, at least I have an excuse to be a bum. I can blame… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Even if I worked in the corruption capital of the world, Washington DC, I wouldn’t be a whistleblower. I’m more into flutes.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“To be surrounded by sixty people who make your life miserable is to be at a family reunion. But to be surrounded… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wish somebody would combine tasers and dildos, and test the devices out on all the politicians in Washington DC. Well, all… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“On my recent trip to Washington DC, I wore a hat I made out of a tin funnel that I covered with… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Hardly anybody tells the truth these days. For the truth I have to go to Washington DC, and whatever a politician says,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You told me you loved me, and then you stabbed me with a spoon. Luckily, moments… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
