Sarcastic Quotes · Page 6

Just because the kid's cute, doesn't mean you're not the father.

— Will Smith

The problem with these interviews is that there's no sarcastic font.

— Zach Galifianakis

Money can't buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.

— Spike Milligan

She's the first in her family born without tail.

— Anonymous

You say 'erbs, and we say Herbs because there's a f*****g H in it!

— Eddie Izzard

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

— Ashleigh Brilliant

She never lets ideas interrupt the easy flow of her conversation.

— Jean Webster

How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.

— George Carlin

The moment I start to care is the moment i've finally lost what little sanity i've miraculously held onto...either way,that's not good.

— Anonymous

“Destiny stands by sarcastic with our dramatis personæ folded in her hand.”

— George Eliot

Being a 2 sided bitch is hard isn't it? I don't know what side to slap first.

— Michiiko

I can't go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?

— Jerry Seinfeld

She resembles the Venus de Milo: she is very old, has no teeth, and has white spots on her yellow skin.

— Heinrich Heine

Were you dropped on your headwhen you were younger? Yeah, in a pool of sexy.

— Anonymous

Musical people always want one to be perfectly dumb at the very moment when one is longing to be perfectly deaf.

— Oscar Wilde

The Englishman who has lost his fortune is said to have died of a broken heart.

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sarcasm is weird. Even not in acting, in life I feel 'sarcastic' is a word that people use to describe me sometimes…

— Aubrey Plaza

When I present those clip shows and movie mistakes and things, the persona the writers adopt for me is unimpressed, superior, very…

— Robert Webb

My father was a very unhappy person, very sarcastic, and my mother was very nervous and worried about what people thought. They…

— Paula Danziger

I am not deadpan all the time, but that is a part of my personality. I was always the sarcastic one at…

— Amelia Dimoldenberg

Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he…

— George Carlin

She plunged into a sea of platitudes, and with the powerful breast stroke of a channel swimmer, made her confident way towards…

— W. Somerset Maugham

I thought I'd lie on the floor and writhe in pain for a while," he grunted, "It relaxes me." "It does? Oh…

— Cassandra Clare

They are possibly the dumbest people on the planet... We Americans suffer from an enforced ignorance. We don't know about anything that's…

— Michael Moore

I have witnessed and greatly enjoyed the first act of everything which Wagner created, but the effect on me has always been…

— Mark Twain

I noticed I been spacing off quite a lot today... Most would say I'm unfocused and bored But I say this once…

— MrCountry

Part of my reaction to my diagnosis of infertility was deeply sarcastic and critical, part of it was morbid, part of it…

— Monica Youn

My mother, father and brothers (I was the youngest of three boys), were all very sarcastic and we were a complete Irish-Catholic…

— Anthony Green

No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion,…

— George Carlin

Post-wounded women know that postures of pain play into limited and outmoded conceptions of womanhood. Their hurt has a new native language…

— Leslie Jamison

“I'm still furious with you," she murmured, kissing a line down his chest. "Oh, God, please don't be furious," he choked out…

— Adele Ashworth

So yes, this is a show about an adolescent girl, her friends, and various vampires. Vampires writing in diaries, vampires attending high…

— Kelly Link

[on pop idol Donny Osmond] He has Van Gogh's ear for music.

— Billy Wilder

He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.

— Molly Ivins

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

— Hemant Smarty

A mental midget with the IQ of a fence post.

— Tom Waits

Women's intuition is the result of millions of years of not thinking.

— Rupert Hughes

He's so snobbish he has an unlisted zip-code.

— Earl Wilson

Some people stay longer in an hour than others can in a week.

— William Dean Howells

Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.

— Josh Billings