“I needed to take her to a concert, or maybe invite her out to go stencil street art in the middle of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The longest I have ever gone without sex is sixteen years. But to my credit, elementary and middle school were rough dating… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In middle school, Renaldo was voted most likely to vote in a Presidential election. But he was the most obvious choice to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In middle school, I spent a lot of time with my buddy Edward. I called him Sex Ed, not because he got… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In middle school I used to draw letters of the alphabet out of contorted torsos, bodies, arms, legs. A rigid torso with… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Johnny Kickstand bullied me in middle school. Today, Kickstand stands 4’7” tall. Well, he would stand that tall if he weren’t in… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Since pigs are anatomically similar to humans, dissecting one must be like cutting up a midget. And I haven’t done that since… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I still remember my middle school locker combination. Maybe I should go back to my old locker to see if I left… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
