I don't approve of political jokes; I have seen too many of them get elected. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Priests were metal-reinforced overshoes. They saved your soles. This is an Assassin joke. — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Someone told me: If you don't eat, you don't shit. If you don't shit, you die. ( True ) — Sharlene05 Copy Share Image
I typically start out almost every speech I give making some kind of joke about me being in a wheelchair. — Greg Abbott Copy Share Image
Honestly, I just want to keep people awake. Or at least give you one joke to go to bed with. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
I like situational comedy when people are being completely serious and yet you can find something extremely funny, not jokes. — Bruce Robinson Copy Share Image
I think I have a good sense of humor, but I'm not, like, a joke-teller. I get the jokes, which is sometimes… — Mila Kunis Copy Share Image
If I was trapped inside a room filled with explosives and the only way out was to eat a whole tomato I… — Ramandeep Singh Copy Share Image
I love working with older actors because number one, I can learn so much from them because they have so much experience.… — Donnie Yen Copy Share Image
“Many obese people spend a significant amount of their energy on suppressing the urge to tell some of the people who are… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Everybody I know who is funny, it's in them. You can teach timing, or some people are able to tell a joke,… — Carol Burnett Copy Share Image
Earlier I received a phone call from a PPI Telemarketer. So I told my 3 year old son that Santa Claus was… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Women who are not living ought to spend all their time cracking jokes. In a rotten society women grow witty; making a… — Dorothy Richardson Copy Share Image
Even if you get a joke right you've done it a thousand times and sometimes there's times where it just doesn't work… — Godfrey Copy Share Image
Jokes apart, people are constantly asking me, 'What are you doing for the industry?' When one makes a blockbuster, you plough back… — Rohit Shetty Copy Share Image
I detest jokes - when somebody tells me one, I feel my IQ dropping; the brain cells start to disappear. But something… — Johnny Depp Copy Share Image
You are just jealous," Magnus remarked calmly. "Because you do not have the soul of a true artiste like myself." "Oh, I… — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
What a vast fraternity it is,--that of 'Hearts that Ache.' For the last three months it has seemed to me as though… — Henry Adams Copy Share Image
I feel like I'm a compassionate guy, but I also feel if somebody's grip on life or sanity is so tenuous that… — Dan Savage Copy Share Image
I don't have to change anything. I think that's the secret to comedy. You want to be universal and appeal to everyone.… — Kevin Hart Copy Share Image
There's a wonderful old Italian joke about a poor man who goes to church every day and prays before the statue of… — Elizabeth Gilbert Copy Share Image
When getting divorced remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
John was at his most relaxed with Ringo, who had him in stitches with his jokes. — Cynthia Lennon Copy Share Image
And there'd be no more jokes in Music-halls To mock the riddled corpses round Bapaume. — Siegfried Sassoon Copy Share Image
Who else had one of those pens with a five colors, and tried to push all the buttons at once? — Nishant Grover Copy Share Image
You know, OK, I made a few jokes - and they killed 3000 Americans. Fair trade. — Ann Coulter Copy Share Image
Apparently beer contains female hormones. After you drink enough you can neither drive nor shut the hell up! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If I can't face my accusers, that's a joke. We did that in medieval times. — Lance Armstrong Copy Share Image
The only thing I have learned in thirty years is that women want men to stop asking dumb questions like that. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life. — Jokes About Chuck Norris Copy Share Image
