Looking back, I realize that my life has been a series of incidents where one person has said to another, "Get this… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“They were Republicans, Nixon Republicans, and so didn't subscribe to the notion that laws are supposed to apply to all people equally.” — Bill Bryson Copy Share Image
I should think it takes a fairly low intellect to draw pleasure from the following activity: hitting a ball with a crooked… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“Some men would not still be HIV negative or alive, if they had managed to sleep with some of the women with… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
From Paris we took the Orient Express to Vienna. I must say I was terribly disappointed; nobody was murdered on the train. — George Burns Copy Share Image
“And the challenge in the next round would be determined by the winner of this test. "Like, what, the DOM-matrix?" ~Tara Reese” — Lucian Bane Copy Share Image
I mean you've got a conservative and right-winged press presence with really nothing on the other end of the political spectrum. — Hillary Clinton Copy Share Image
“Holy hell," Shawn whispered, his eyes glued to Ziang's front. Particularly to what Ziang didn't have between his legs. "Dude, where's your… — M.A. Church Copy Share Image
Let me get one thing straight; I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice;… — George Burns Copy Share Image
I have neither the scholar's melancholy, which is emulation; nor the musician's, which is fantastical; nor the courtier's, which is proud; not… — William Shakespeare Copy Share Image
“A smile is the best way to get oneself out of a tight spot, even if it is a fake one. Surprisingly… — Naruto Shippuden Copy Share Image
“I nod and smile and smile and nod, and when she turns away, I form a gun with my hand, place it… — Victoria Scott Copy Share Image
“I have considered the impudent accusations of Mr Dawkins with exasperation at his lack of serious scholarship. He has apparently not read… — Richard Dawkins Copy Share Image
I’m going to kill myself. I should go to Paris and jump off the Eiffel Tower. I’ll be dead. you know, in… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
“Are you calling us pigs?’ Froi asked, watching as Rafuel winced for the tenth time at the formality of Froi’s Charyn.Rafuel thought… — Melina Marchetta Copy Share Image
“With a regrettable sigh he shook his head. "I'm sorry, but this isn't going to work out." "What the hell are you… — R.L. Mathewson Copy Share Image
Long before the word Zionism was uttered for the first time, old religious Jews came from all over the world to die… — George Mikes Copy Share Image
“This isn't sex." I blinked. "Oh. Then what is it?" "An emergency!" I started to argue and then thought twice about it.… — Karen Chance Copy Share Image
Poetry, I think, intensifies the reader's experience. If it's a humorous facet of the story, poetry makes it more exuberant. If it's… — Vikram Seth Copy Share Image
“White? That's good. virginal. He'll be reminded this is a first for you and hopefully won't just impale you on his pork… — Carmen Jenner Copy Share Image
The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it,… — Rich Hall Copy Share Image
“A friend told me that one day he and I would be rich and famous. I told him that I'd trade my… — Quentin R. Bufogle Copy Share Image
... Take another glass of wine, and excuse my mentioning that society as a body does not expect one to be so… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“I decided right then and there to make a snickerdoodle perfume to wear, so that one day he would sniff me like… — Jessica Verday Copy Share Image
I've heard Eric Clapner, ... I think it was a wonderful thing that Eric Clapner the musician did...So I think that's the… — Joycelyn Elders Copy Share Image
I thought I was going to be known for my humor. But then I had an idea for a story, which was… — Jay Asher Copy Share Image
Go figure a crazy, mixed-up country where ballet outsells boxing. I wouldn't be surprised if their wrestling was on the level. — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
“What sort of funny songs?" "My balls are swearing my balls are swearing I can't keep my balls from sweating ohhh no."… — Anna carey Copy Share Image
“Death, taxes and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them. ― Margaret Mitchell, Gone with the Wind” — Anonymous Copy Share Image
He had that rare weird electricity about him - that extremely wild and heavy presence that you only see in a person… — Hunter S. Thompson Copy Share Image
I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
We need time to relax and enjoy ourselves too, no matter how dark the story. The occasional humorous moment helps with that.… — Patrick Rothfuss Copy Share Image
Earnest is our dog. She senses instantly that something is wrong, and guided by that timeless and unerring nurturing instinct that all… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Like every other good thing in this world, leisure and culture have to be paid for. Fortunately, however, it is not the… — Aldous Huxley Copy Share Image
“As an unavoidable result of the inevitable loss of some physical and/or some mental abilities, many a man who has been alive… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“Babcock silenced himself when he caught a gratifying sight on the broker’s shelf—his finance book, Moving Ones and Zeros Around like a… — Jasun Ether Copy Share Image
If Jesus Christ were to come today, people would not even crucify him. They would ask him to dinner, and hear what… — Thomas Carlyle Copy Share Image
Peggotty!" repeated Miss Betsey, with some indignation. "Do you mean to say, child, that any human being has gone into a Christian… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
You only have to solve two problems when going to the moon: first, how to get there; and second, how to get… — Jim Rohn Copy Share Image
“Cross.” His head popped up a few shelves over. “What?” “Check out the magic crap.” He shot me a look. “Oh, is… — Rachel Hawkins Copy Share Image
