“Jewish vampires: Crosses & holy water won’t hurt me whatcha gonna try next?” — Tasha Turner Copy Share Image
If you could see my legs when I take my boots off, you'd form some idea of what unrequited affection is. — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
I only read biographies, metaphysics and psychology. I can dream up my own fiction. — Mae West Copy Share Image
Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
If "ifs" and "ands" were pots and pans, there'd be no work for tinkers' hands — Charles Kingsley Copy Share Image
“Some people avoid thinking deeply in public, only because they are afraid of coming across as suicidal.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“Kelly was not going to remove her glasses. No matter what the television said about it being safe to do during the… — Guillermo del Toro Copy Share Image
“The worst imaginable thing happens to our protagonists: they have a son who grows up to become Dennis Hopper. (“Giantess”)” — Rebecca Solnit Copy Share Image
“She stops chewing and brings the chains on her wrist up to her nose and sniffs. She pulls away with a mild… — J.A. Redmerski Copy Share Image
The first time I passed through the country (Switzerland) I had the impression it was swept down with a broom from one… — Ernesto Sabato Copy Share Image
Well, I'm a bacteriologist, you know. I live in a nine-hundred-diameter microscope. I can hardly claim to take serious notice of anything… — Arthur Conan Doyle Copy Share Image
A unit of documentation. There are always three or more on a given item. One is on the shelf; someone has the… — Raymond Simard Copy Share Image
“Sophronia felt bound to object. "I, for one, should prefer not to shoot at someone I like." "Admirable scruples, Miss Temminnick. Get… — Gail Carriger Copy Share Image
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don't want to live… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I was a Teletype operator in the army, so that's where I learned to type. One day, I went downstairs to see… — Carl Reiner Copy Share Image
“It was as if God himself saw that my intention was to make my outer self match my inner fabulosity and didn't… — T.J. Klune Copy Share Image
I feel that nasal spray is a wondrous medical achievement, because it is supposed to relieve nasal congestion, and by gadfrey, it… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Spending all my remaining money on a ticket to Florence was rendered needlessly complicated by the fact that none of the ticket-sellers… — Clive James Copy Share Image
“He was not a tall man, but he was wide. His face was the color and texture of old leather boots, and… — Grahame Shannon Copy Share Image
If he (The New York Taxi Driver) talked to me, he might lose his concentration, which would be very bad because the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I read and learned and fretted more about Canada after I left than I ever did while I was home. I absorbed… — Will Ferguson Copy Share Image
“Listen up, Mount High-Hair," Gustav barked. "Say what you want about me, but lay off the rest of the team. I've been… — Christopher Healy Copy Share Image
“Awoke to find three vultures sitting on the fence. Realizing they were a portent of impending death I shot them.” — Bridget Allison Copy Share Image
If you appeal to the crowd, either by being humorous or brutal or eccentric, you gain favor. — Suzanne Collins Copy Share Image
“College = A place where you spend a ton of money for a piece of paper that says you're qualified.” — Korey Miracle Copy Share Image
“You’re a terrible woman Nox, but by the stars I love you beyond words themselves,” — K. K Weakley Copy Share Image
I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
As I get older and write more books I'm definitely allowing the humorous side of my personality more rein in my work. — Colson Whitehead Copy Share Image
We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . . — Phyllis Diller Copy Share Image
“Lovely, not only did the truck look like it was on its last leg, it was going to take the environment with… — Adrienne Wilder Copy Share Image
“You have exactly 10 seconds to change that look of disgusting pity, into one of enormous respect!” — Max Bialystock Copy Share Image
