Lipstick (lip*stik) n. -- On your lips, color to enhance your beauty. On his collar, color only a tramp would wear! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Twitter: Where people bitch for everyone's attention and validation from strangers. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back, unless your tears smell like dog food. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
For all my haters, I just want you to know that there's no medicine for insecurities so better commit suicide! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, You're going to have trouble with it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
In some countries being president is just an honorary position --like being a husband in Hollywood. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
MARRIED LIFE, is like the pleasure experienced when getting into a warm bath -- after a while it's not so hot — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My mind is now so crowded with valuable information that I can't think. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I named my first born child after my mother-in-law. In fact, lazy fat ass bitch turns 5 tomorrow. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I drove my expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You are growing... when you know what you are but not what you will become. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Think about parents' nude bodies during foreplay; resultant loss of erection will prevent potential unsafe sex. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I've learned to say Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke in 6 languages. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
To feel good about yourself, is there a quota on how many other people each day you have to condemn? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. -- To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sweetie, if you opened a book more times than you opened your legs,you might actually get somewhere in life. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If a guy says he's not in mood to talk with a girl. He probably have masturbated few seconds ago. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Woman can take unpredictable to a whole new level of psycho if you test them... — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada: Self-preserving, but open to meeting new people. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I think the most impressive thing about the activity tab on twitter is that I never use it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
God made woman and the other day he made beer because he was like holy fuck, sorry bro. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If her husband walks in while you're fucking her... ask him to join. You're already fucked anyways... — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
John Deere's manure spreader is the only equipment the company won't stand behind. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If someone stole your tweet just write 50 more tweets or have them murdered. Simple. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Astronaut restaurant review from the moon: The food is fine but there's not much atmosphere. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I would never mind being in an odd abusive relationship, if my girlfriend would punch me with her tits. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
TEMPER TANTRUMS: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If the loser keeps his smile, the winner will loose the thrill of victory. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You are thoughtful... when you see me just as I am and treat me just as you are. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Mostly all famous inventions start off as an accidents. For instance, my invention of running over cats. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Fancy restaurant: The only restaurant that serves you cold soup on purpose. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Don't Take It Seriously * When the HAIRDRESSER says, Do you want it teased or blown? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Instead of raising awareness for bullying, how about parents just stop raising assholes? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Do not blow dealers for crack; blow regular citizens for cash, then buy the crack directly. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sometimes I look at my awesome twitter followers & think to myself, What the hell would I do without them :) — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
I won't be tweeting this sunday. I have better things to do like bashing myself by following girls on streets. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
Men and women shop differently. Men know what they want before they see it. Women don't know what they want until they see it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
I used to receive virtual smiles, sweet morning and night greetings. Now all I have is silence, and a blistered heart. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
Do girls really look at penises and say Wow, I can't wait to put that in my mouth? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
