Woman say:OH, NO, I'LL PAY FOR MYSELF. Woman means:I'm just being nice; there's no way I'm going Dutch. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Life Insurance: A contract that leaves you poor while you live so you can die rich. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, A condition where no wife gets what she expected, and no husband expected what he was getting; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Men...we spend nine months trying to get out of a vagina, and the rest of our lives trying to get back in. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You can't be a little bit unfaithful any more than you can be a little bit pregnant. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
On his daughter's diaper: There was so much poop. It didn't look like a baby's poop. It looked like a 55-year-old alcoholic… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The NFL is boring, the NBA is disintegrating, baseball is totally predictable. Maybe we do need the XFL. Maybe we need Nude… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, A confrontation which always demands the greatest understanding of the subtle art of insincerity possible between two human beings; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Had a weird dream last night that I murdered 4 people who unfollowed me on twitter. But woke up relieved to find… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you're a person who says Only God can judge me on a regular basis, people are actually judging you a lot… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
CORPORATE You have two cows. You sell one, force the other to produce the milk of four cows, then act surprised when… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that Ex-lovers Are really dying for you to telephone them at four… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
BUREAUCRACY You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sometimes I look at my awesome twitter followers & think to myself, What the hell would I do without them :) — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
I won't be tweeting this sunday. I have better things to do like bashing myself by following girls on streets. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
Men and women shop differently. Men know what they want before they see it. Women don't know what they want until they see it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
I used to receive virtual smiles, sweet morning and night greetings. Now all I have is silence, and a blistered heart. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
Do girls really look at penises and say Wow, I can't wait to put that in my mouth? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
