Quote by Zach Galifianakis

You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name -- and you've never been to that bar before.

— Zach Galifianakis

By the time a bartender knows what drink a man will have before he orders, there is little else about him worth knowing.

— Don Marquis

I'm a businessman, not a bartender.

— Jon Taffer

Everyone feels like they would love to be a really cool bartender in a really cool bar, but you're still surrounded by people who…

— John Hodgman

You know you're in trouble, when the bartender cries.

— Michael Peterson

I'm a bartender's son. Some things you never forget.

— John Stockton

I'm a bartender. I do, like, great things.

— Angelina Pivarnick

If you truly love me, kill the bartender.

— Quentin Crisp

Today, if you're not an alcoholic, you're nobody.

— Dick Van Dyke

I'm not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings. I'm a drunk, we go to parties.

— Anonymous

Don't call me an alcoholic, they drink everyday, I drink every night, I am a PROFESSIONAL!!! GET IT RIGHT!!

— Anonymous

They're like ''You're an alcoholic.'' I go ''No, I'm not.'' and then-apparently that's what alcoholics say too, you know?

— Norm MacDonald