Dog Quote by Laurie Notaro

“I could croak with no warning, and the only tragedy anyone would experience would be showing up on the last day of my estate sale simply to discover that all remaining items had copious amounts of dog hair on them.” quote by Laurie Notaro — Download Open image

“I could croak with no warning, and the only tragedy anyone would experience would be showing up on the last day of my estate sale simply to discover that all remaining items had copious amounts of dog hair on them.”

Laurie Notaro

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Dog Estates Hair Last day Lasts Showing up Tragedy Warning Would be

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“It was the gift that every girl dreams of, to be dead long enough for your parents to realize how meaningless their lives were without you, how they were suddenly and at once deeply sorrowed at all of the horrible injustices they caused you, how they had truly never appreciated your natural gifts of beauty and grace, being that their…

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“Sure, I'd like to lose some weight, but a tapeworm is the last way I'd like to do it, except becoming a prisoner of…

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“As a result of that experience, I do think all Anthropologies should provide a courtesy volcano just outside their dressing rooms so every woman…

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“The lesson here is that a giant cupcake tattoo is typically an indication of two things: (1) Sister go her hands on some crystal meth, and (2) Sister smoked that crystal meth and kept smoking it until she had been awake for seven days and then stumbled into a tattoo parlor with a really bad idea that she had quickly…

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My family were staunch believers in physical violence, not automatic violence, and we had a Safeway around the corner, so we never really needed…

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“Goddamnit I've never been the "pretty friend..." She's the one who wears the perfect eyeliner, it never gathers like a crowd in her tear…

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I majored in journalism at Arizona State University, where I began writing the columns I write now, but I cannot, in good conscience, refer…

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I want a man as nice as my retarded dog, but one that doesn't crap on the floor.

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“There is a (slight) chance that I might be going to hell.”

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“I just might kill someone in my next job, and I'll be honest here, I couldn't do the time. Really. No way. I couldn't share a room with four other people, let alone poop in front of them. I hate sharing a room and a bathroom with my husband, and I even have eminent domain over him. Prison would never…

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“Dr. Bone Specialist came in, made me stand up and hobble across the room, checked my reflexes, and then made me lie down on the table. He bent my right knee this way and that, up and down, all the way out to the side and in. Then he did the same with my left leg. He ordered X rays…

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“Asininity was puddling all around me in quantities too vast to soak up. - It Looked Different on the Model”

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Explore all 53 Laurie Notaro quotes

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Many individuals spend a considerable portion of their lifetimes in terror of one imagined catastrophe or another. The classic is that your immortal soul will be consigned to eternal torment in the never-ending subterranean barbecue if you fail to follow the whacky edicts of one particular set of puckered dogwhistles or another. You may recall from the great movie Strange…

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“The universe contains any amount of horrible ways to be woken up, such as the noise of the mob breaking down the front door, the scream of fire engines, or the realization that today is the Monday which on Friday night was a comfortably long way off. A dog's wet nose is not strictly speaking the worst of the bunch,…

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That dog, I say that dog is lower than a snake full of buckshot.

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It is a fool of a shepherd who culls his dogs.

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“Flattery looks like friendship, just like a wolf looks like a dog.”

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Brothers and Sisters, I bid you beware Of giving your heart to a dog to tear.

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A shoe dog is somebody that really loves shoes, and that was me. I was a runner... that became important to me, and it's…

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“I rub the ears of my dog, my stupid goddam ruddy great dog that I never wanted but who hung around anyway and who followed me thru the swamp and who bit Aaron when he was trying to choke me and who found Viola when she was lost and who's licking my hand with his little pink tongue and whose…

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