Christmas Quote by Emo Philips

“Christmas seems to start earlier and earlier every year. Like, this time, it's on December 25th.”

Emo Philips

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Once I was in a restaurant and I dropped my fork on the floor, and they gave me a new fork. So I pushed…

Emo Philips

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I give money to Unicef because I like the 'bang for your buck' aspect. Here's $10, go and save 1,000 kids from blindness!

Emo Philips

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Libertarians believe consenting adults have the right to do whatever they choose, except band together.

Emo Philips

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I love England. In fact, they're getting to know me so well at Heathrow Immigration that this time I was able to completely bypass…

Emo Philips

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He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.

Emo Philips

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The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks.

Emo Philips

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I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face."…

Emo Philips

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I don't know if I was put on this Earth for a purpose or not. But I'm fairly confident that I'll be taken off…

Emo Philips

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I got a letter from the IRS. Apparently I owe them $800. So I sent them a letter back. I said, If you'll remember,…

Emo Philips

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If you're worth over $50m you should have to dress like that guy on the Monopoly box. The super-rich shouldn't get all the benefits…

Emo Philips

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Race is still somewhat of a taboo in comedy. But if you're a minority, then you can make fun of your own minority. And…

Emo Philips

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I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it's hard to find 32 of them.

Emo Philips

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The notion of a non-religious Christmas is ridiculous. But so is the insistence on the part of Christians that politicians and retailers carry out…

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I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.

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May you have the spirit of Christmas which is Peace, the gladness of Christmas which is Hope, and the Heart of Christmas which is…

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To my future children; you will know the true meaning of Christmas just not you get gifts.

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No sane local official who has hung up an empty stocking over the municipal fireplace is going to shoot Santa Claus just before a…

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For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.

Rodney Dangerfield

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There seems a magic in the very name of Christmas.

Charles Dickens

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Like everyone in his right mind, I feared Santa Claus.

Annie Dillard

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“I stopped keeping an eye out for Santa Claus on Christmas Eve because, when I was five, my mother told me that Santa was…

Dean Koontz

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Christmas is the only time of year where you get to experience a truly, truly indulgent potato.

CMAT

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Since I was 15, I have not spent a Christmas or a New Year with my family.

Toby Alderweireld

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Hark the herald angels sing, 'Glory to the new-born king.' Peace on earth, and mercy mild, God and sinners reconciled!

Charles Wesley

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Christmas Quote by Emo Philips

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