Able Quote by Emo Philips

“I love England. In fact, they're getting to know me so well at Heathrow Immigration that this time I was able to completely bypass the six months rabies quarantine.”

Emo Philips

★ ★ ★ ★ ★ 2.8 out of 5 (10 ratings)

Able Bypass England Facts Immigration Know me Knows Months Quarantine Rabies Six Six months Wells

More by Emo Philips

Once I was in a restaurant and I dropped my fork on the floor, and they gave me a new fork. So I pushed…

Emo Philips

Image

I give money to Unicef because I like the 'bang for your buck' aspect. Here's $10, go and save 1,000 kids from blindness!

Emo Philips

Image

Libertarians believe consenting adults have the right to do whatever they choose, except band together.

Emo Philips

Image

He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.

Emo Philips

Image

The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks.

Emo Philips

Image

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face."…

Emo Philips

Image

I don't know if I was put on this Earth for a purpose or not. But I'm fairly confident that I'll be taken off…

Emo Philips

Image

I got a letter from the IRS. Apparently I owe them $800. So I sent them a letter back. I said, If you'll remember,…

Emo Philips

Image

If you're worth over $50m you should have to dress like that guy on the Monopoly box. The super-rich shouldn't get all the benefits…

Emo Philips

Image

Race is still somewhat of a taboo in comedy. But if you're a minority, then you can make fun of your own minority. And…

Emo Philips

Image

I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it's hard to find 32 of them.

Emo Philips

Image

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee - that will do them in.

Emo Philips

Image

Explore all 208 Emo Philips quotes

More Able quotes

I am certain that children always know more than they are able to tell, and that makes the big difference between them and adults,…

Jacques Lusseyran

Image

I have observed this in my experience of slavery, - that whenever my condition was improved, instead of its increasing my contentment, it only…

Frederick Douglass

Image

There is something about the South that accepts the supernatural. If you don't accept it and you're having a conversation with someone who does,…

Alice Englert

Image

In the '80s, the way radio was programmed, if you didn't have a hit record you weren't going to be able to make any…

Huey Lewis

Image

I think I've had the longest career of strength, focus, and still being able to sell records. I think I'm that guy. I'm still…

Nas

Image

I have that need in me, I want everyone to love me, but I'm embarrassed by that need, so I wanted to cover it…

Anthony Jeselnik

Image

Thinking about the things that happened, I don't know any other ball player would could have done what he (Jackie Robinson) did. To be…

Pee Wee Reese

Image

I wanted to remember in order to be able to return.

Anais Nin

Image

Government schools, with your tax money, now discourage the teaching of multiplication tables by rote memorization but teach reading by the 'look-and-say' method which…

Greg Perry