Regular Time Quotes by Jack Handey

More Quotes by Jack Handey

Jack Handey has 402 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:

• Love is not something that you can put chains on and throw into a lake. That's called Houdini. Love is liking someone…
• It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.
• If you're at a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don't like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like…
• If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have to say.
• It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is that…
• Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always…
• Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaut on the moon and you fear that your…
• Sometimes when I'm driving behind a big cement truck, I think of how the valve on the truck could suddenly open, spilling…

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