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Humor Quotes by George Burns
- It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
- Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
- It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
- I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
More Humor Quotes
- We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. — Aristotle
- Those that know, do. Those that understand, teach. — Aristotle
- Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work. — Aristotle
- Wit is educated insolence. — Aristotle
- In all things of nature there is something of the marvelous. — Aristotle
- The secret to humor is surprise. — Aristotle
- The gods too are fond of a joke. — Aristotle
- One of my favorite things about 'Star Trek' wasn't just the overt banter but the humor in that show about the relationships… — J. J. Abrams
- People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. — Isaac Asimov
- The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...' — Isaac Asimov
- Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible. — Francis of Assisi
- The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid. — Jane Austen