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- The Senate voted 97-0 for an anti-spam bill to stop those annoying things you get on your computer. The senators made it very clear that…
- Form 1040 was chosen by the IRS because for every $50 you earn, you get 10 and they get 40.
- Former Vice President Al Gore starring in a new documentary about global warming. I believe it's called [Leno snores]. ... The film actually features Al…
- I was born the day I got my license. When I was a kid, if I wanted to go somewhere and see things, you have…
- Today, you get better performance from a Ford Focus than a Ferrari from the mid-70s. [The Focus] is just as fast and with better fuel…
- There's this big pie in show business, and you physically can't eat the whole pie. If you give everybody a slice of pie, you will…
- The hot gossip in Washington is that Condoleezza Rice might have a new boyfriend. Secretary of State Rice is being linked to Canada's Foreign Minister,…
- As Miss America, my goal is to bring peace to the entire world and then get my own apartment.
- Now, I have a Halloween mask I think you might get a kick out of. That's scary.
- A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything…
- Women get a little more excited about New Year's Eve than men do. It's like an excuse: you drink too much, you make a lot…
- President Bush announced tonight that he believes in democracy and that democracy can exist in Iraq. They can have a strong economy, they can have…
- Yesterday President Obama said, 'We can't continue to treat tax money like monopoly money.' Oh really - how come all those guys on Wall Street…
- It is day two of the Democratic convention, and apparently they had a huge lighting problem in the convention hall today. They worked all day…
- Show business pays you a lot of money because eventually you’re gonna get screwed.
- CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she…
- For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn't that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now…
- Major league baseball has asked its players to stop tossing baseballs into the stands during games, because they say fans fight over them and they…
- According to New York publishers, Bill Clinton will get more money for his book than Hillary Clinton got for hers. Well, duh. At least his…
- Now see, a lot of critics are saying Arnold can't get elected because he's just an ambitious guy with a famous name, who doesn't know…
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- Whenever u get hurt from those people whom u love most don't blame them, fault is not their its your fault that… — Anurag Prakash Ray
- Throughout all of this confusion, I hope I somehow get to you. I practice all the things I'd say to tell you… — Superman
- Having been a child actor, I remember how directors would trick me to get good performances out of me. I don't think… — Asia Argento
- Most people would rather give than get affection. — Aristotle
- Whenever I miss you. I just close my eyes and I see your smiling face and half of my problems automatically get… — Anurag Prakash Ray
- I find a lot of things kind of funny and I often say what's on my mind, and then get nine texts… — Kate Beckinsale
- The balance and patience factors are much more critical in surfing than they are in snowboarding ... if you're out surfing serious… — Frederick Lenz
- Flattery and deceit are the darlings of great men, and so with these men spread the butter on thick, if you want… — Pietro Aretino