Nick Swardson Quotes
34 quotes
in 282 categories
-
Babies are like the smallest, drunkest people you know.
-
If you want to be a comedian, go out. Do a week in Des Moines, Iowa. Try to make those people laugh.
-
Comedy is so subjective, you know what I mean? To sit there and technically pick it apart is so stupid.
-
No one will ever be as good as Phil Hartman. He was such an amazing genius, and may be the best sketch performer of all…
-
I moved to the Ukraine. And it was cold, and everyone had guns, and smelled like soup.
-
God bless you Jimmy, God bless your heart.
-
Can we take a shower and talk about this?
-
Ah, you smell like a winner. You smell like USA!
-
You look great Jimmy. You look amazing and your hair rocks. You look so good, oh my gosh. You look at yourself? I totally want…
-
Hello........Cool I hope its a naked dude with a boner.
-
Fruitcup? Nice....way to go mom!
-
Who wants to know what Jackie Gleason's balls tasted like? Yes, Cornbread.
-
Who wants to hear about my blowjob from the World War? Yeah...
-
Hey Samantha, don't take the red pill!
-
Dude, we were just kidding JP. Don't be mad at us!
-
Good news from the party........Barry sucked on his first boobie!
-
Ok... so who wants to hear about my STD from the silent film era? Yeah, put your hands up for that one. This chick's pussy…
-
Oh, and I'm still gonna kill you someday.
-
Do you have bathrooms here, or do I have to shit in a plant?
-
Dude, wanking off on my mom is one thing, but doing your grandma...Thats legendary!
Browse Nick Swardson Quotes by Category