"Babies are like the smallest, drunkest people you…" — Nick Swardson
"Babies are like the smallest, drunkest people you know."
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Nick Swardson
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34 Quotes by Nick Swardson
Nick Swardson has 34 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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If you want to be a comedian, go out. Do a week in Des Moines, Iowa. Try to make those…
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Comedy is so subjective, you know what I mean? To sit there and technically pick it apart is so stupid.
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No one will ever be as good as Phil Hartman. He was such an amazing genius, and may be the…
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I moved to the Ukraine. And it was cold, and everyone had guns, and smelled like soup.
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God bless you Jimmy, God bless your heart.
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Can we take a shower and talk about this?
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Ah, you smell like a winner. You smell like USA!
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You look great Jimmy. You look amazing and your hair rocks. You look so good, oh my gosh. You look…
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Hello........Cool I hope its a naked dude with a boner.
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Fruitcup? Nice....way to go mom!
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Who wants to know what Jackie Gleason's balls tasted like? Yes, Cornbread.
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Who wants to hear about my blowjob from the World War? Yeah...
See all 34 quotes by Nick Swardson »
More Alcohol Quotes
This quote is filed under Alcohol Quotes,
one of 1,156 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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It is best to rise from life as from a banquet, neither thirsty nor drunken.
— Aristotle
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On average, drug prisoners spend more time in federal prison than rapists, who often get out on early release because…
— Michael Badnarik
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Drug prohibition has caused gang warfare and other violent crimes by raising the prices of drugs so much that vicious…
— Michael Badnarik
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Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to…
— Dave Barry
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According to Teenage Research Unlimited, 51 percent of 13-15 year olds say they will be faced with making a decision…
— Xavier Becerra
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I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger,…
— Brendan Behan
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Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
— Robert Benchley
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I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.
— George Best
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Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
— Ambrose Bierce
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The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
— Humphrey Bogart
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Never accept a drink from a urologist.
— Erma Bombeck
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Wine is a treacherous friend who you must always be on guard for.
— Christian Nestell Bovee
See all 1,156 Alcohol Quotes »