Best Groucho Marx Wisdom
- From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it. Book
- I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining. Cities
- I must confess, I was born at a very early age. Age
- There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook. Ask
- If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again. Funny
- Marry me and I'll never look at another horse! Another Horse
- It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. Cities
- I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it. Bet
- Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. Anti War
- Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it. Child
- Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. Anatomy
- I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up. Adverse
- I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it. Beat
- A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke. Cigar
- Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted. Communication
- I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract. Agent
- If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you. Any
- Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. Bedfellows
- Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough. Dance
- Room service? Send up a larger room. Crazy
- Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse. Crazy
- In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. Bouquets
- Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does. Book
- Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me? Care
- Either he's dead or my watch has stopped. Dead
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