All Gilbert Gottfried Quotes
- I've done a lot of Fox shows since then - Married with Children, Living Single and a whole bunch of other Fox things. Bunch
- You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell. Accept
- I sincerely apologize to anyone who was offended by my attempt at humor regarding the tragedy in Japan. I meant no disrespect, and my thoughts… Anyone
- Japan is really advanced. They don't go to the beach. The beach comes to them. Advanced
- Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway. Every Time
- I just split up with my girlfriend, but like the Japanese say, 'They'll be another one floating by any minute now.' Another One
- What do Japanese Jews love to eat? Hebrew National Tsunami. Eat
- Well, I play Jews and parrots. Parrots are how I've branched out. Branched
- If they'd wanted a nice parrot, they wouldn't have asked for me. Asked
- I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked. Dating
- I predict one of these two teams will win the Super Bowl. Bowl
- You never know what people will choose to be offended by. Choose
- If the police ever try to pick me up, Michael Jackson told me I can hide out at his house. Ever Try
- No, generally I think influence is used as a nice word for plagiarism. Influence
- The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever. Comedian
- Any misfortune that happens to another person is funny. If it happens to someone else and not me, it's very funny. Another Person
- I always try to avoid anything that has to do with my life. Always Try
- I changed the face of comedy. I used to be funny. Changed
- I just don't accept midgets as human beings. There's only so much political correctness I can accept. Accept
- I think a lot of people have too much time on their hands. Hands
- I think of Alan Thicke as Perry Como without the excitement. Alan
- I understand being less sexy than Osama bin Laden, but not less sexy than Carrot Top. That, I find offensive. Bin
- I wanted to be a brain surgeon, but I had a bad habit of dropping things. Bad
- I would show up at a party for Al Qaeda if you said there's going to be a dinner. Al
- I'd like to have a kid, but I'd probably get a Frank Sinatra Jr. instead of a Gilbert Gottfried Jr. I'd totally screw up like… Frank