Best David Letterman Proverbs
- You have Kim Jong Il, and you have his brother, Menta Lee Il. Brother
- Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? 1)… Abraham
- You can't eat tomatoes because they're tainted with deadly salmonella. First there was tainted lettuce. Now, tainted tomatoes. Who would have thought that the healthiest… B L
- America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked. America
- I believe I have voted for both Democrats and Republicans. Am I either one? Absolutely not. Ladies and gentlemen, I am an American. Absolutely
- I have found that the only thing that does bring you happiness is doing something good for somebody who is incapable of doing it for… Bring
- The worst tempered people I have ever met were those who knew that they were wrong. Ever Met
- New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you. Ahead
- Number one: Don't frisk me. Don't hurt me physically. Don't get anywhere near my neck. And don't call me Regis. [Advice to his guests]. Advice
- Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got a doctor with me 24 hours a day.' Yeah, that's… Cheney
- For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home. Folks
- No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him on TV saying that it's live. You know, it's like… Alive
- The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today… Alive
- There is a new billboard outside Time Square. It keeps an up-to minute count of gun-related crimes in New York. Some goofball is going to… Billboard
- I would like to apologize, especially to the two daughters involved, Bristol and Willow, and also to the Governor and her family and everybody else… Apologize
- Mitt Romney looks like an American President in a Canadian movie. American
- Everybody is wondering what Paris Hilton will be doing next, and hell, I'm wondering what she did before. Everybody
- It turns out I was duped. I have no-one to blame but myself and boy is my face red...Now I need to apologise to the… Apologise
- It was stupid behavior. And you take a look at the explosion, and it knocks you down and you wake up every morning and you're… Behavior
- Last week I did a thing on the Grammys with a Top 10 list. There was a Lindsay Lohan joke about her stealing a Grammy… Award
- Today is a big day in TV history. On this day forty-one years ago, the Beverly Hillbillies aired for the first time right here on… Ago
- Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, everybody loves them. But I thought this was interesting on the box, 'Konsult Kardiologist.' Box
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