Craig Benzine

During a heat wave every dude stinks.

— Craig Benzine

I would hate to be a bee. Be surrounded by bees all the time.

— Craig Benzine

Bird Poop in the mouth is always a surprise.

— Craig Benzine

Theres nothing to fear but fears themselves, such as monsters, rejection, food poisoning, redundancy, monsters, and oxford commas.

— Craig Benzine

Visiting Saturn sounds like a lot of fun but you will die!

— Craig Benzine

Nothing is perfect. Therefore, being perfect is being nothing… and that's a great way to lose weight.

— Craig Benzine

At one time or another, farts have coincided with every other sound, including this quote.

— Craig Benzine

It's better to have a broken CD player that worked once than to never have evolved into a self-aware carbon based lifeform.

— Craig Benzine

Based on this one experience I had, jumping to conclusions is always really stupid.

— Craig Benzine

If you're gonna lob something, lob love.

— Craig Benzine

Dont get scared of death. Get rich! Then die.

— Craig Benzine

The grass is always greener when it's covered in money.

— Craig Benzine

People alive are better than people not alive.

— Craig Benzine

The good thing about living like me is everywhere you go is a step up.

— Craig Benzine

I love it when the coffee's done!

— Craig Benzine

Are imperfections is which make we grate.

— Craig Benzine

Be cautious of bears at all times, even when being mauled by a tiger.

— Craig Benzine

“Saving time is so important that I'm not even going to finish this sen-it's lunchtime already? Yum yum.”

— Craig Benzine

Failure is not an option. It just happens all the time. Like, all the time.

— Craig Benzine

Never put a foot down in the middle of a foot rub.

— Craig Benzine

The only good excuse for not succeeding is DEATH! Unless you're trying to be a ghost. Then it's LIFE!

— Craig Benzine

Blanket statements are always stupid. NO EXCEPTIONS!

— Craig Benzine

“The coffee's done? I LOVE IT WHEN THE COFFEE'S DONE!”

— Craig Benzine

Everything is optional. Somethings are illegal. And some things are really gross.

— Craig Benzine

I'd choose truth over cake but I'd try to find a way to get both to be honest.

— Craig Benzine