“We needed a refrigerator for our new place and I've never bought a refrigerator my whole life. I went into the appliance… — Brian Regan Comedy Copy Share Image
I think the serving size of ice cream is when you hear the spoon hit the bottom of the container. — Brian Regan Bottom Copy Share Image
My parents didn't know what to do with me. They got me into Little League Baseball, I played out in right field,… — Brian Regan Baseball Copy Share Image
Politicians have a lot to deal with these days. It's a different world. You know who I feel bad for? Arab Americans… — Brian Regan Asks Copy Share Image
I have a friend who swears by food combinations - have you heard of this nonsense? She's nuts. She's like, 'You know… — Brian Regan Combination Copy Share Image
I hate getting off the elevator on the wrong floor? Anyone ever do that... and then you have to turn around and… — Brian Regan Elevators Copy Share Image
When you're onstage, it's a communication technique when you make people laugh. You're communicating. You're communicating with other human beings and when… — Brian Regan Communicate Copy Share Image
The only way I'd want to do something in television would be if it was about how I think as a comedian.… — Brian Regan Able Copy Share Image
Mmmm! Lunch and no clean up!! Can life get better? I submit that it CANNOT!! — Brian Regan Get better Copy Share Image
I'm honored that other comedians like what I do. That means the world to me. But at the same time when I'm… — Brian Regan Audience Copy Share Image
A lot of the kind of comedy that I do comes out of real human moments. For them to work, they have… — Brian Regan Audience Copy Share Image
If you were to second guess your decision to book some time to visit an Indian community, that would be a reservation… — Brian Regan Book Copy Share Image
I saw something in the store the other day that I don't understand: that peanut butter and jelly in the same jar.… — Brian Regan All kinds Copy Share Image
“is there any I could get a glass of water?" [waiter]There is no way... I toss and turn many a night trying… — Brian Regan Comedy Copy Share Image
I try my jokes onstage. The only way to really find out if something is going to work is to try it… — Brian Regan Be careful Copy Share Image
I think comedy is a good way to deal with anything. I hear about people in the hospital who are ill, and… — Brian Regan Comedy Copy Share Image
I was at the breakfast table this morning and I read in the newspaper that more and more adults are living at… — Brian Regan Adults Copy Share Image
They always say that Albert Einstein was a genius. Then how come when anyone ever calls you that, it's an insult? 'You… — Brian Regan Car Copy Share Image
