Chance Quote by Adam Carolla

“One of the classier features of this home was the padded toilet seat. It was high-mileage puffy brown vinyl-colored foam and made that weird…

— Adam Carolla

I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.

— Adam Carolla

I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life...so, something that is potentially four months down the road is…

— Adam Carolla

I don't think I've ever seen pie advertised. That's how you know it's good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts. They advertise the…

— Adam Carolla

I don't think healthcare's a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work,…

— Adam Carolla

I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I'm not interested in hurting their feelings.

— Adam Carolla

People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.

— Adam Carolla

“But our leaders can’t tell the truth. We won’t let them. We’ve created a society where the politicians aren’t allowed to criticize the people.…

— Adam Carolla

I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that's out of this world. I'll give a heads-up to all…

— Adam Carolla

When I'm in power, here's how I'm gonna put the country back on its feet. I'm going to put sterilizing agents in the following…

— Adam Carolla

The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.

— Adam Carolla

I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have…

— Adam Carolla