I was born lazy. I am no lazier now than I was forty years ago, but that is because I reached the… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Twenty-four years ago I was strangely handsome; in San Francisco in the rainy season I was often mistaken for fair weather. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
When I was 17, my father was so stupid, I didn't want to be seen with him in public. When I was… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
There was a great difference in boats, of course. For a long time I was on a boat that was so slow… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
When someone dies, it is like when your house burns down; it isn't for years that you realize the full extent of… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Whatever a man's age, he can reduce it several years by putting a bright-colored flower in his button-hole. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didnt do than by the ones you did. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
No one is sane, straight along, year in and year out, and we all know it. Our insanities are of varying sorts,… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
What is the most rigorous law of our being? Growth. No smallest atom of our moral, mental, or physical structure can stand… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The observance of Thanksgiving Day-as a function-has become general of late years. The Thankfulness is not so general. This is natural. Two-thirds… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
To write without pay until somebody offers pay. If nobody offers pay within three years, the candidate may look upon this circumstance… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
To be human is to have one's little modicum of romance secreted away in one's composition. One never ceases to make a… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If I were required to guess off-hand, and without collusion with higher minds, what is the bottom cause of the amazing material… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I have achieved my seventy years in the usual way, by sticking strictly to a scheme of life which would kill anybody… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Heroine: Girl in a book who is saved from drowning by a hero and marries him next week, but if it was… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Solomon, who was one of the Deity's favorites, had a copulation cabinet composed of seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines. To… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Annihilation has no terrors for me, because I have already tried it before I was born -a hundred million years -and I… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
There are some books that refuse to be written. They stand their ground year after year and will not be persuaded. It… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
When I was fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have him around. When I got to be… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The average man is what his environment and his superstitions have made him; and their function is to make him an ass.… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The law of God, as quite plainly expressed in woman's construction, is this: There shall be no limit put upon your intercourse… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The mind that becomes soiled in youth can never again be washed clean. I know this by my own experience, & to… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
It is not like studying German, where you mull along, in a groping, uncertain way, for thirty years; and at last, just… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If the world ends, I'll just head on down to Kentucky because they're always 20 years behind. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Methuselah lived to be 969 years old . You boys and girls will see more in the next fifty years than Methuselah… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
This is the year 1492. I am eighty-two years of age. The things I am going to tell you are things which… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around.… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Time and tide wait for no man. A pompous and self-satisfied proverb, and was true for a billion years; but in our… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Annihilation has no terrors for me, because I have already tried it before I was born --a hundred million years --and I… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
When I was fourteen years old, I was amazed at how unintelligent my father was. By the time I turned twenty-one, I… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
You have noticed that the human being is a curiosity. In times past he has had (and worn out and flung away)… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
We could use up two Eternities in learning all that is to be learned about our own world and the thousands of… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
To get the full value of joy You must have someone to divide it with. After all these years I see that… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
My sister...was an interested and zealous invalid during sixty-five years, tried all the new diseases as fast as they came out, and… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Medicine has made all its progress during the past fifty years. ... How many operations that are now in use were known… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
July 4. Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than in all the other days of the year put… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The Christian Bible is a drug store. It´s contents have remained the same but the medical practice continues. For 1,800 years these… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
My brother had just been appointed Secretary of Nevada Territory--an office of such majesty that it concentrated in itself the duties and… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
So you see, the quality of humor is not a personal or a national monopoly. It's as free as salvation, and, I… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor than you could… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“The Creator sat upon the throne, thinking. Behind him stretched the illimitable continent of heaven, steeped in a glory of light and color; before… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
A man accustomed to American food and American domestic cookery would not starve to death suddenly in Europe, but I think he would gradually… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The higher animals get their teeth without pain or inconvenience. Man gets his through months and months of cruel torture; he will never get… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“As far as I can see, Italy, for fifteen hundred years, has turned all her energies, all her finances, and all her industry to… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Begin with the determination to succeed and the work is half done already. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened on either… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
