Witty Quotes · Page 47

I have never killed any one, but I have read some obituary notices with great satisfaction.

— Clarence Darrow

Wit is like caviar - it should be served in small portions and not spread about like marmalade.

— Noel Coward

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

— Anonymous

The most brilliant flashes of wit come from a clouded mind, as lightning leaps only from an obscure firmament.

— Christian Nestell Bovee

Snoring is your body's way of telling everyone not to disturb me asshole can't you see we are sleeping.

— Nikhil Saluja

I just need a search engine that'll remember exactly what I was about to Google when I forget.

— Nikhil Saluja

Wit is the most rascally, contemptible, beggarly thing on the face of the earth.

— Anonymous

A dentist and a manicurist married. .. . . They fought tooth and nail.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you recall childhood, you may remember that the kids who stuck straws and cigarettes up their noses back then seemed funnier…

— Nikhil Saluja

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has no heart; and any man who is over 30, and…

— Winston Churchill

It doesn't bother me that you don't like me, what bothers me is that you are hypocritical and PRETEND to like me.

— Nikhil Saluja

MAKING LOVE: Man: Call it what you want just as long as we end up in bed. Woman: The greatest expression of…

— Nikhil Saluja

No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more that she can be witty by only the help…

— Kin Hubbard

Wit is a treacherous dart. It is perhaps the only weapon with which it is possible to stab oneself in one's own…

— Geoffrey Bocca

The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than…

— Will Rogers

Zimbabweans are so smart and witty and able to weave together tons of situations and experiences into terminologies that are just utterly…

— Danai Gurira

When I got my first TV set, I stopped caring so much about having close relationships with other people.

— Andy Warhol

We find ourselves less witty in remembering what we have said than in dreaming of what we would have said.

— Jean Antoine Petit-Senn

If you want to be witty, say what you think at all times

— Oscar Wilde

I have an impersonal trainer. We meet at the gym, we dont talk, he works out alone, and I go home.

— Nikhil Saluja

It's so obvious The Weather Channel is pro hurricane. Fair and balanced my ass.

— Jim Gaffigan

MARRIAGE, Occurs where a man gets hooked by his own line;

— Nikhil Saluja

I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.

— Nikhil Saluja

“The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French.”

— Mark Twain

The ability to make witty observations is commonly refered to as "cynism" by people who lack it.

— George Bernard Shaw

The only possible conclusion the social sciences can draw is: some do, some don't.

— Ernest Rutherford

Vanity, revenge, loneliness, boredom, all apply: lust is one of the least of the reasons for promiscuity.

— Mignon McLaughlin

A ghost could be humping you right now and you would never know.

— Nikhil Saluja

Third party auditor is a person who always tells that this is not the Right baby.

— Nikhil Saluja

Advertising in the final analysis should be news. If it is not news it is worthless.

— Adolph Ochs

A woman will watch the game with you. The perfect woman will watch it on top of you.

— Nikhil Saluja

Who can prove Wit to be witty when with deeper ground Dulness intuitive declares wit dull?

— George Eliot

MARRIAGE, An investment that pays big dividends if you manage to keep up the interest.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. So said by the idiot who can't understand it.

— Ramandeep Singh

Weathermen merely forecast rain to keep everyone else off the golf course

— Larry David

He looks like a female llama who has been surprised in the bath.

— Winston Churchill

Getting married is like trading in the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.

— Mae West

We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our…

— Woody Allen

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

— Demetri Martin

My best tweets are when someone take them personnel & instantly unfollow me.

— Nikhil Saluja