All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
If you separate the whites and the colored clothes during laundry, you're a racist. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Normally you have news, weather and travel…but not on snow day, on snow day news is weather is travel. — Michael McIntyre Copy Share Image
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? — George Carlin Copy Share Image
That moment when someone reiterates something for the zillion time and you are thinking, she just beat the horse to death, resurrected… — Eugene Nathaniel Butler Copy Share Image
I tried to think of a witty play on Every picture tells a thousand words, but then the whole word/picture thing collapsed… — Douglas Coupland Copy Share Image
I think about Aaron Rodgers, he's like Chris Evans before he got the HGH injection in Captain America. But before he was… — Michael Bennet Copy Share Image
“So just let me deal with it, I can be emotionally flawed and still love you all at the same time. I’m… — Holly Hood Copy Share Image
Some men change their party for the sake of their principles; others their principles for the sake of their party — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I've been blessed, because the type I started in was competition based. It was about being witty and smart and innovative and… — Eva Marcille Copy Share Image
I'm trying to think of a witty comeback, when Boggs says brusquely, “Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just… — Suzanne Collins Copy Share Image
Good girls go to the party, go home, then go to bed. Bad girls go to the party, go to bed and… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I think that Obama is very cool. And I think he's clever, and I think he can be witty. But I don't… — Mo Rocca Copy Share Image
“Over his shoulder, she saw Skulduggery walk in. "Oh, hell," she muttered. Wreath's smile reappeared. "It's Skulduggery, isn't it?" Over his shoulder,… — Derek Landy Copy Share Image
I think the single biggest thing that money gave me-and obviously I came from a place where I was a single mother… — J. K. Rowling Copy Share Image
“All the same, we should excuse ourselves," Vergil said. "Although I am wondering if the meeting was already well concluded when we… — Madeline Hunter Copy Share Image
A father may have a child who is ugly and lacking in all the graces, and the love he feels for him… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are like, I don't… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
“ 'Venti caramel macchiato, please,' he said. 'Hold the snobbery.' The barista laughed and hit buttons on his register. 'You sure? We're… — S.W. Vaughn Copy Share Image
I have been lately introduced to the famous Thomas Paine, and like him very well. He is vain beyond all belief, but… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
