Someone said, and rightfully, that "property is theft'." There's no way a man can stand and tell me that he owns an… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
They'll get it all from you sooner or later 'cause they own this f**kin' place. It's a big club and you ain't… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
In TV today, you can say I pricked my finger, but you can't say it the other way around. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
No, there's no God, but there might be some sort of an organizing intelligence, and I think to understand it is way… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
People get all upset about torture, but when you get right down to it, it's really a pretty good way of finding… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I just try to find targets I feel something about and express it my way. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The only good thing about religion is the music. Because nature is filled with balances and opposites, there are always exceptions to… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
So I do have this ambivalence. Obviously I'm against militaries, because of what militaries do. In many ways though, the air force… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
My money buys me the freedom not to be a member of the corporate structure. And I certainly don't feel guilty or… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was kind of sweet kid, according my mother, and my recollections. Thoughtful and good, but kind of alone - although I… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
And this should go without saying. That's why I'm going to say it: Drinking and driving don't mix. Do your drinking early… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I'm never critical or judgmental about whether or not a movie is any good. The way I look at it, if several… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
All Christian religions are outer-directed. "Who can I convert?" "Let's go to this country and make them Christians." "Wear this." "Do that."… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Government want to tell you things you can't say because they're against the law, or you can't say this because it's against… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The ending of my experience with cocaine came in a periodic way. I would get high less frequently, I would use smaller… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think we overrate ourselves in terms of our abilities and capacities. I mean, just because you can build a really swell… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The owner of a Florida massage parlor has been arrested by police. "There weren't any serious violations," said the officers, "she just… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I suspect there really was more to my accident than bad luck. I think it was God's way of punishing my nose. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Humor is based on surprise, and surprise is a milder way of saying shock. It's surprise that makes the joke. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I became a guy who wanted to be a comedian someday, or a comic actor. The way I put it was, I'll… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
