You know what I never get with the limo? The tinted windows. Is that so people don't see you? Yeah, what a… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, and when you turn on the radio… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I have a problem with the strip that runs along the bottom of the news programs. Don't these idiots who run the… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I see TV ads about detergents that can get blood stains out of your cloths. I say if you have blood stains… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
The worst thing about television is that everybody you see on television is doing something better than what you're doing. You never… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Sometimes you can do certain things on stage, or even in a TV series, and people see the look on your face… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Most people, you do a TV series, it ends three, four, five years later; it's a relic, — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I will never understand why they cook on TV. I can't smell it. Can't eat it. Can't taste it. The end of… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
We’re all trying to get to the same island, whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive in, it doesn’t matter. What matters is when… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I have a nice bookshelf in my office, but not my house. I'm crass, but not that crass. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
We're all trying to get to the same island — whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive, it doesn't matter. What matters is when… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need.… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I went up to the camp and Paul had me eat my first oyster I had never had an oyster in my life. And… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Then, finally, the third year, begging the parents, I got the Superman Halloween costume. Cardboard box, self-made top, mask included. Remember the rubber band… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
This is really a crazy idea, you know. It probably won't work, but that will be interesting, too. You have to motivate yourself with… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
If you get something right, you really feel it, right in your chest, on stage. I think it's an incomparable experience. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
People have an infinite attention span if you are entertaining them. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
It's hard to do nothing because you tend to do something and then you have to drop everything. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
