I don't think the problem is telling people you're on a diet. The problem is eating ice cream for breakfast. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
There's a difference between watching a chef show, which doesn't feel like a reality show compared to the Housewives. Those shows can,… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I definitely don't want to have kids ... I don't think I'd be a great mother. I'm a great aunt or friend… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I think reality television, unless it's inspirational, which it very rarely is, I think it's embarrassing. It's embarrassing state of affairs that… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I think bullying of anybody, whether they're gay or straight or anything in high school is unbearable. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I think the people in your life are the people that - when you can make other people happy and you can… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I think they should make Twilight closets and all the cast members can walk out of them. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I think it's important to be authentic to who you are, and if you're inauthentic at all, people smell that from a… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I wanted to be a comedian, I wanted people to laugh at what I was saying, not to be staring at my… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I think everyone's afraid of public speaking. There have been times where I've come out of my own show and been like,… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon just got themselves a marriage license. I think before she gets married again Pam needs to slow… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I think the people I talk about are generally so stupid that they don't even know I'm saying bad things about them. I've run… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
At some point during almost every romantic comedy, the female lead suddenly trips and falls, stumbling helplessly over something ridiculous like a leaf, and… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
A federal grand jury is investigating allegations that David Copperfield raped, assaulted and threatened a woman he took to his private island in the… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
It's been my experience that people who make proclamations about themselves are usually the opposite of what they claim to be. If someone is… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
“My mother agreed to aid my abuse of alcohol but only if I promised never to tell my newly converted Mormon sister, whose identity… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I try to not overthink anything. I don't understand why nipples are nudity. Who cares? Men can show their nipples but if we have… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Seeing your mother naked is not something you easily recover from. Seeing your mother naked and jumping from one side of a king-sized bed… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the first. Or the second¦ or the fifth. Ill just… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
“It was quite obvious that without severe behavior modification, this boy would grow up to be a serial killer.” — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single dolphin made me want to burn… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
