I was in a job interview and I opened a book and started reading. Then I said to the guy 'Let me… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything. — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I finally got around to reading the dictionary. Turns out the Zebra did it. — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
It usually helps me write by reading - somehow the reading gear in your head turns the writing gear. — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I took a course in speed reading. Then I got Reader's Digest on microfilm. By the time I got the machine set… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark. — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked,… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
Nobody can really compare a relationship in which the victim is 15 years old to one where she's 6. While both criminal, they're very different circumstances. — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.” — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to remember my act, trying to say… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them. — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
