Someone needs to make a zombie movie where when you get bit it turns you into a singing and dancing extraordinaire. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Even when I go to a salad bar, I need to feel like I'm one of the first people there. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
If you're drunk please don't drive. If you're on shrooms please don't think Walmart's a prison for bad clothing that needs help… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
My brain is very fantastical. If I ever actually recorded myself, I could probably win a Grammy for sex talk. Being on… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
It's not for any purpose such as religion, health, or things like that, I just never felt I had the need or… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I did stand-up comedy for seventeen years. I need to explore other things. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Some people give you that motivation to work harder simply to get the hell away from wherever they are. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Every great thing starts with an idea, followed by a doubt and finally a resolve to abandon or pursue. Victory is a treacherous journey. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
My real first job was delivering newspapers with I was 15. I would ride my bike around and chuck papers at people's houses. The… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I do think I am funny, or I wouldn't be where I am today. I do think there is always room for improvement and… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
If you think your demeanor is mellow or not particularly charismatic, the material can life you higher. So write everyday, and get onstage or… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
If you lie to a person at least tell someone else you've lied to the truth. It balances out your karma. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
In school I was pretty quiet. Kinda shy until my junior year. But at home I was a freak. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Strip clubs are great places to meet interesting people you only wanna know for about 40 minutes. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
