“That's the thing with a diary, though. In order to record your life, you sort of need to live it. Not at… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Everyone had taken their places, when I excused myself to visit the bathroom, and there, in the toilet, was the absolute biggest… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Having spent my life trying to fit the will of others, I was unable to distinguish between what I enjoyed and what… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“I had no job at the time and was living off the cruel joke I referred to as my savings.” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“For the first time in memory, I was unable to sleep not because I was anxious but because I was excited. To… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“I’d been to only one Walmart in my life before this and I was shocked at how ugly it was, even by… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“There was my life before I told a strange woman in a negligee that I was a homosexual, and now there would… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
To spend your days in the company of naked men - that was the life for me. 'Turn a bit to the… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I spend so much time like living in the past or the future. I mean, I think most people do, really. And… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I can't promise I'll never kill anyone again," he once said, strapping a refrigerator to his back. "It's unrealistic to live your… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“If nothing else, life in the suburbs promised that you might go from day to day without finding shit in your hair.” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“It’s not lost on me that I’m so busy recording life, I don’t have time to really live it. I’ve become like… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Plenty of animals had pets, but few were more devoted than the mouse, who owned a baby corn snake—“A rescue snake, she’d be quick… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“never fall asleep in a Dumpster, never underestimate a bee, never drive a convertible behind a flatbed truck, never get old, never get drunk… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“It was a father, one hand resting teapot-style on his hip, and the other - what would be the spout - formed into a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“A Japanese woman we’d met in Paris came to the apartment yesterday and spent several hours explaining our appliances. The microwave, the water kettle,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
One thing I like about the United States, and I kind of miss about the United States, is there's an election coming up here… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You have how many children in your family?" the teacher would ask. "I'm guessing you must be Catholic, am I right?” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Like most seasoned phonies, I roundly suspect that everyone is as disingenuous as I am.” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You just take and take don´t you? Out there with your thumb in the air—not a care in the world, just grabbing whatever you… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
In other parts of the country people tried to stay together for the sake of the children. In New York they tried to work… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
My boyfriend got me a computer three years ago. I'll admit it does make things a lot easier. When I was working on a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
