I tell ya, I was an ugly kid. I was so ugly that my dad kept the kid's picture that came with… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin'… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard! — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: `Basement?' — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
