We were almost getting used to playing without fans in the Champions League. Jokes aside though, I think help from our fans… — Roberto Mancini Copy Share Image
Jewish comedians do the best Jewish jokes, and anyone else doing that, they don't have a right to, because they're not coming… — Simon Pegg Copy Share Image
Never upstage a man. Don't top his joke, even if you have to bite your tongue to keep from doing it. Never… — Arlene Dahl Copy Share Image
Since today is Valentine's day, I was wondering if you'd like to go back to MySpace, so I can Twitter with your… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Why do we call it truth or dare when we all know it's really Who do you like or Awkward sexual task. — Pretty Ladii Copy Share Image
A guy at work went in for a competition and won a trip to China. He's out there now...trying to win a… — Jerry Dennis Copy Share Image
I said to the wife, Guess what I heard in the pub? They reckon the milkman has made love to every woman… — Max Kauffmann Copy Share Image
I enjoy watching a woman with really bad teeth and a good sense of humor struggling to use her lips and tongue… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I guess I'm like Roger Miller who used to say that he didn't have as many jokes as he thought he did. — Glen Campbell Copy Share Image
It's important to remember that life is a joke, and that outlook grants a lot of perspective, but I don't think comedy… — John Mulaney Copy Share Image
I'm Irish, so I'm messing all the time. Which means, I'm having a laugh. I'm always making jokes. — Saoirse Ronan Copy Share Image
Writing jokes for others is like having babies for someone else. It's sad. Like the woman who gives up her baby but… — Emo Philips Copy Share Image
There was a duck and so the duck walked to the side of the road and out behind a bush came a… — Shayla Copy Share Image
I guess they're tough jokes. But there's lots of things you either laugh or cry at. And you just can't cry. — Sam Kinison Copy Share Image
Using blasphemy as entertainment is as cheap as a comedian telling a fart joke. — Katy Perry Copy Share Image
I was photographing the photographer Brassaï. He had very prominent eyes, like a frog's. As I focused my lens, he brought his… — John Loengard Copy Share Image
The thing I was beginning to figure out about Sam and Grace, the thing about Sam not being able to function without… — Maggie Stiefvater Copy Share Image
It's hard for me to say I love you because the word you isn't beer or sex or football. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
It's an ongoing joke that a black man is always the first one to get killed in movies. — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
You're going to get violated in that ring. I am going to close the curtain on the joke that is the Audley… — David Haye Copy Share Image
Stand-up in general is the most raw form of entertainment. There is no pyrotechnics or back-up dancers, it's just live and die… — Dustin Diamond Copy Share Image
