I always say, if I tell you a joke right now and it's funny, you laugh. Now, we set the lights, and… — Martin Landau Copy Share Image
Kids are appendages on so many family sitcoms. They'll come in, they'll make half a joke, and then they're like, 'OK, gotta… — Jason Jones Copy Share Image
Seriousness is an accident of time. It consists of putting too high a value on time. In eternity there is no time.… — Hermann Hesse Copy Share Image
With every side I've played for, I've always tried to fit in and joke with my team mates while enjoying good times… — Antoine Griezmann Copy Share Image
I would kill to be on 'Dexter,' and I would double kill to be on 'True Blood.' I would pay them to… — Callie Thorne Copy Share Image
I'm not really political in my comedy, and I'm not looking to have the best joke about Trump or the best joke… — Esther Povitsky Copy Share Image
The thing that's changed the way I do my stand-up act is having kids and getting older and wiser and smarter. There… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
I need your help. I am injured, near death, and too weak to hike out of here. I am all alone. This… — Christopher McCandless Copy Share Image
“Because he has finally realized that it is it and not him that is loved by the woman he loves, many a… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“A man and a woman cannot live together without having against each other a kind of everlasting joke. Each has discovered that… — Dean Koontz Copy Share Image
“Some women have kissed—and some are kissing—a lot of frogs, even though the very first man that they have each kissed was… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Guy says: Hey wanna hear a joke about my penis? Never mind, its too long. Girl says: Wanna hear a joke about… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
In all honesty, we don't know what's in the hearts of other men. All I know is that I respect comedy and… — Carlos Mencia Copy Share Image
Tool of Communist agitators... it's really a joke, isn't it? Because, quite clearly, we are a party of real moderates. It just… — Helen Suzman Copy Share Image
One joke coming from one person can land completely flat, while somebody else delivering it in a unique way can really elevate… — Zoe Quinn Copy Share Image
I often joke that I've just become a professional schmoozer. Like, nobody cares how well I can rock climb anymore. It just… — Alex Honnold Copy Share Image
Something horrible happens and I try to make it funny. It's really a tortured life. You go to a salsa bar, at… — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
I don't really tell a joke, I react to situations. The whole thing is just looking at somebody and showing all our… — Don Rickles Copy Share Image
“Joke or not, something is occurring to me. You live your life, and you get to ask for things, and sometimes they… — Elizabeth Berg Copy Share Image
“If Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in dark rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic… — Marcus Brigstocke Copy Share Image
No-one wants to hear a crude joke at the expense of the Principal, or the Bridegroom, or the head of the company.… — Rachel Parris Copy Share Image
A dirty joke is not, of course, a serious attack on morality, but it is a sort of mental rebellion, a momentary… — George Orwell Copy Share Image
That whole 'Bo' Selecta!' thing was damaging. I played along with it; I said it was cool, I can take a joke,… — Craig David Copy Share Image
I think there's a lot of wonderful comics that leave you hanging in a state of apprehension or anxiety before alleviating that… — Carrie Brownstein Copy Share Image
I don't try to impress people. Sometimes my jokes can be very harsh; I'm very sarcastic. I would joke about something disgusting,… — Barbara Palvin Copy Share Image
I always loved jokes. It's such a dumb, facile thing to say, but it's true. I remember being a kid and getting… — Josh Gondelman Copy Share Image
The joke I always make is I'm either running for reelection, running for Senate, running for governor, or running for my life.… — Cory Booker Copy Share Image
“Your relationship or marriage is dead or dying, if you almost always have to remind your partner to miss you (and/or they… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
The most welcome joke to me is the one that takes the place of a heavy, not altogether innocuous thought, at once… — Friedrich Nietzsche Copy Share Image
On Twitter, when someone would die, I would write a joke. Or if there's a tragedy, I would write a joke and… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
When you people have a set up joke and the joke is set up straight and the words are just well written,… — Will Gluck Copy Share Image
I use this notepad onstage, mastering the art of not being professional. I'll do a joke that doesn't work on purpose, then… — Deon Cole Copy Share Image
My joke used to be about my father and Peter Boyle: that anything you see Peter Boyle do on TV, my father… — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
When a kid can understand that a word can mean two things, there's some real thinking going on. They have a vested… — Brian P. Cleary Copy Share Image
The vast majority of people that have gotten mad at me for a joke that I've made were people that were, A,… — Brad Williams Copy Share Image
I think its natural if youre doing a lot of comedy to do a lot of drama, because you have to figure… — Judy Greer Copy Share Image
If someone wants to make a joke about me smoking too much pot, I'm not going to get mad at them, because… — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
Me: *laughs* Parents: What's so funny? What's going on? Who are you talking to? Can I see what the joke is? Are… — Celeste Hartman Copy Share Image
Venom was a joke in the '80s, their heavy metal music sucked big time, and I really have no interest in them… — Varg Vikernes Copy Share Image
The reality is, to watch Jon Stewart, you already have to have watched the news. In other words, it's not funny if… — Roger Ailes Copy Share Image
