I go inside the Octagon for fight. I don't joke, because it's danger. — Anderson Silva Copy Share Image
“How many pessimists does it take to change a lightbulb? Never mind. Nobody would get the joke anyway.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
On my adventurers into the porn world, I noticed there's one thing that doesn't exist. Asian men. — Daniel Ellis Copy Share Image
If a joke makes our tribe laugh, we assume it will make other friend-tribes laugh. — Jay Chandrasekhar Copy Share Image
A woman would pitch a joke. Nothing. Then a guy would pitch it and everybody would laugh. — Wanda Sykes Copy Share Image
I did the commencement speech at UNH in 2006, and one of the biggest jokes was a 'Guts' joke. — Mike O'Malley Copy Share Image
Sometimes a joke that's not working is just as hilarious as one that does. — Deon Cole Copy Share Image
Lacroix has been fantastic. He's very nice. He gets the joke, and I think that's a good thing. — Jennifer Saunders Copy Share Image
The beautiful thing about comedy in the U.K. is that it has a clever twist to it, and when you really break… — Katherine Ryan Copy Share Image
When you go and meet people in far-flung parts of the world who need help, they're not earnest; they're having a laugh… — Hugh Dennis Copy Share Image
A novel wouldn't be a book if there weren't some flights of fancy on the part of the author, stopping time to… — Ned Vizzini Copy Share Image
I'll think of the idea and then I'll write something down, then within that there will be a joke or two which… — David Cross Copy Share Image
The best timed joke or the best timed phrase comes at spontaneous moments and just relies on me as the host to… — Steve Harvey Copy Share Image
Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an… — Jeff Ross Copy Share Image
I'm not opposed to doing science fiction or comedy, but there has to be respect. I refuse to be the joke, the… — Darlene Cates Copy Share Image
“Nothing humbles a beautiful woman better than not being wanted by a man whose girlfriend or wife is ugly (or not as… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
My brother was listening to his transistor radio. He kept switching the earpiece from one ear to the other, which I thought… — Jane Lynch Copy Share Image
It's very interesting, the joke comes first and then the wording comes within five seconds, maybe ten seconds. My thing is to… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
Occasionally you get that one person that says "I really like that one part of this joke" and you go, "Oh thank… — John Mulaney Copy Share Image
I had one guy say, 'I watched your show and didn't agree with what you said.' And I'm like, 'It's a joke.… — Carlos Mencia Copy Share Image
The joke about SAP has always been, it's making '50s German manufacturing methodology, implemented in 1960s software technology, delivered to 1970-style manufacturing… — Marc Andreessen Copy Share Image
“There was once a man named Joe... Joe was insecure because he had no ears. Joe couldn’t hear a goddamn peep. And… — David Michael Miller Copy Share Image
It's when I make a joke about Indian people and then a white person comes up to me and says, "That's wrong.… — Brad Williams Copy Share Image
“Got something!" one of the men yelled. "Is it Mike?" another called, rushing from our sides. As everyone converged on the scene,… — Kelley Armstrong Copy Share Image
The critics had an image of me, and they wouldn't accept any other.. I was a cartoon character. A joke. — Ann-Margret Copy Share Image
“I ought to be jealous of the tower. She is more famous than I am.” — Gustave Eiffel Copy Share Image
I thought Twitter was a joke. I really thought it was a gag. I thought it was like National Lampoon or the… — Walter Becker Copy Share Image
I was world champion, but I was never able to celebrate it. It was a joke for me. — Caster Semenya Copy Share Image
Michael Jackson was a joker to his core. He loved a good joke especially if it's displayed on somebody else. — Siedah Garrett Copy Share Image
I joke about it a lot, but I be serious as a heart attack when I say it: I don't wish that… — Iman Shumpert Copy Share Image
I love people who have a good sense of humor, tell a good story, tell a good joke. — Jason Statham Copy Share Image
“It does not matter. The joke is we all have the same punch line.” — Chuck Palahniuk Copy Share Image
If you joke about suicide, you insult those who are connected to someone who has taken their life. Grow up and be… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My type of comedy is always self-deprecating, the joke's always on me. — Asim Chaudhry Copy Share Image
I miss You everyday, but I can't tell you everyday because you may mistake it for a Joke. — Terry Mark Copy Share Image
I think I'm a good joke writer. I'm also very scared that the last joke I wrote is the last joke I'll… — Michelle Wolf Copy Share Image
“We love being mentally strong, but we hate situations that allow us to put our mental strength to good use.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“A joke is by its nature a protest against sense. It is no good attacking nonsense for being successfully nonsensical.” — G.K. Chesterton Copy Share Image
