Joke Quotes · Page 32

You could read Kant by yourself, if you wanted; but you must share a joke with some one else.

— Robert Louis Stevenson

If I can't face my accusers, that's a joke. We did that in medieval times.

— Lance Armstrong

On Twitter, people just want to hear a joke. They don't really want to know about your life.

— Jenny Mollen

“Well, enough of this introspection. It’s depressing, quite frankly.”

— Sol Luckman

I always joke about how I get excited to go to the grocery store without permission.

— Megan Phelps-Roper

There aren't plus-sized teens represented in film who aren't made the butt of a joke.

— Danielle Macdonald

DAD: Wanna Hear A Joke Son? SON: Yes DAD: Pussy SON: I Don't Get It... DAD: EXACTLY!

— Anonymous

I do things, and other people laugh at them. I rarely know what the joke is supposed to be or why they're…

— Wallace Shawn

A joke is like building a mousetrap from scratch. You have to work pretty hard to make the thing snap when it…

— Kurt Vonnegut

I want people to look at me as a four-time world champion, in two weight categories, as a down-to-earth man of the…

— Ricky Hatton

A lot of times in movies, especially in sequels, the characters become caricatures and just sort of improv machines and joke machines,…

— Hayden Schlossberg

Every morning, I would actually look at the obituaries before I had breakfast. And as a joke I said if I was…

— Carl Reiner

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between…

— Mark Twain

I am one of those guys who could do the most emotional scene and crack a joke instantly. I'm lucky. I'm just…

— James Woods

MMA has a lot of those things that you're not allowed to talk about; like, they're completely off-limits. So you have to…

— Roy Nelson

Here's a good joke to do during an earthquake: straddle a big crack in the ground, and if it opened wider, go…

— Jack Handey

Part of my writing style can be attributed to my mother's impatience with comedy, because whenever I told her a story she…

— Patricia Marx

In general, I think there are some things that require time before you can talk about them. Some stuff that happened over…

— Negin Farsad

I'm not big on fat jokes. That's a little beneath me. I'm not a huge fan of making a joke completely at…

— Michael Showalter

For me, it's a purity thing about the joke itself. It's a test of a joke whether or not you do it…

— Jerry Seinfeld

There were guys in 'The State' who would take one script and rewrite it and rewrite it and rewrite it and fight…

— Robert Ben Garant

So when you tell a joke, you want to make someone laugh, or if you tell a story about someone who had…

— Peter Guber

The only rule was that the stuff had to be funny and pretty short. To me, the quintessential Army Man joke was…

— George Meyer

I always joke about letting the haters motivate you. Everybody has that in their life, people who doubt them or make them…

— Jennifer Lopez

That messed up moment when you laugh at a joke that was about you, but you didn't know.

— Anonymous

“Taking good care of your husband or wife is the best way to thank their parent or parents for having taken good…

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

It's an ongoing joke that a black man is always the first one to get killed in movies.

— J. B. Smoove

Expressing my love to a girl for the first time, and it is being taken as a joke

— Fated To Love

when he smiles it's as if you'd just told him the first joke on earth.

— Mitch Albom

If I made a joke about just dropping by, would you write me off as cliché?

— Cassandra Clare

I was the kid at school who would make the joke about himself before anyone else did.

— Joe Sugg

When they tell you they LOVE YOU dont take it to heart because next line may be hey it was just a…

— Nidhi Saini

Anyone who can't tell the difference between a joke and hate speech is just stupid.

— Jim Norton

Whenever we're on the red carpet, we look like competition winners. It's a joke.

— Dan Smith

“You have to be a sexologist: when I wish your fuckin' advice, I'll let you know.”

— Anonymous

One day I'll bring a biography of my life out and that will be the biggest joke I'll ever tell.

— James Buckley

(...) I don´t want a drink. I just want to know where am I? -You´re not in Kansas anymore!- Jake chuckled at…

— Alexandra Adornetto

“A joke is never a joke if it is at the expense of another person's feelings”

— Heather Wolf

[Elbowing incident] was a joke but what I want to say now is that I'm a bit sad that everyone failed to…

— Seungri

I always joke deep down I'm really a teenage girl on the inside.

— John Searles