Humorists of the 'mere' sort cannot survive. Humor is only a fragrance, a decoration. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
How will I be remembered? As a technician or artist? As a humorist or a visionary? — Norman Rockwell Copy Share Image
Think of what would happen to us... if there were no humorists; life would be one long Congressional Record. — Thomas Lansing Masson Copy Share Image
There are people who can talk sensibly about a controversial issue; they're called humorists. — Cullen Hightower Copy Share Image
Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day. — John Bishop Copy Share Image
Today the outlandish becomes routine overnight. The humorist is trying to say that it's still outlandish. — William Zinsser Copy Share Image
If at first you don't succeed-try, try again. Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as timed-release success. — Robert Orben Copy Share Image
I've never made up events, but I've always been a big exaggerator. It's written on my humorist license that I'm allowed to… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Alas! those good old days are gone, when a murderer could wipe the stain from his name and soothe his trouble to… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
But in this country we have one great privilege which they don't have in other countries. When a thing gets to be… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
In my more pompous moments I like to think of myself as a writer rather than a humorist, but I suppose that's… — S. J. Perelman Copy Share Image
A humorist tells himself every morning, "I hope it's going to be a rough day." When things are going well, it's much… — Alan Coren Copy Share Image
When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
I learned as a young man that I don't write jokes, but that I can deliver more mundane material and get a… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
Humor is, I think, the subtlest and chanciest of literary forms. It is surely not accidental that there are a thousand novelists,… — Leo Rosten Copy Share Image
PANTALOONS, n. A nether habiliment of the adult civilized male. The garment is tubular and unprovided with hinges at the points of… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Walking companions, like heroes, are difficult to pluck out of the crowd of acquaintances. Good dispositions, ready wit, friendly conversation serve well… — Brooks Atkinson Copy Share Image
In this land of unlimited opportunity, a place where, to paraphrase Woody Allen, any man or woman can realize greatness as a… — Vincent Canby Copy Share Image
It is hard to get mad at Donald Trump for saying stupid things, in the same way you don't get mad at… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
A heartwarming tale of Christmas past that's chock full of all the wit and hilarity we admire in America's favorite humorist--Mark Twain.… — Gilbert King Copy Share Image
I rejected the word humorist for a long time because I thought that it meant you had, like, a cardigan sweater with… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
The American humorist sat on his couch suffering thoughts of her, trying to figure out how to win back her affections, wondering… — Richard Brautigan Copy Share Image
But pure wit is akin to Puritanism; to the perfect and painful consciousness of the final fact in the universe. Very briefly,… — Gilbert K. Chesterton Copy Share Image
[Al] Franken is left-wing and funny. He's a pretty good political humorist. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Xmas Trivia: Before it became a major shopping holiday, Christmas is believed to have had a "religious" meaning. — Andy Borowitz Copy Share Image
Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot… — Andy Borowitz Copy Share Image
I'm a classic example of all humorists - only funny when I'm working. — Peter Sellers Copy Share Image
This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
If I get big laughs, I'm a comedian. If I get little laughs, I'm a humorist. If I get no laughs, I'm… — George Burns Copy Share Image
Humor is an escape, because you cannot think about your problems when you are trying to be funny; so, in essence, "being… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
When a humorist ventures upon the grave concerns of life he must do his job better than another man or he works… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I think that all comics or humorists, or whatever we are, ask questions. That's what we're supposed to do. But I not… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
Lampoon was exactly the opposite. The work was a lot of fun, but the office environment was hell. You cannot put 20… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Avoid using the word 'very' because it's lazy. A man is not very tired, he is exhausted. Don't use very sad, use… — Robin Williams Copy Share Image
The satirist shoots to kill while the humorist brings his prey back alive and eventually releases him again for another chance. — Peter De Vries Copy Share Image
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