Will Cuppy

“Hatshepsut has been called the first great woman of history. She simply appointed herself King of Egypt and that was all there…

— Will Cuppy

“Intelligence is the capacity to know what we are doing and instinct is just instinct. The results are about the same.”

— Will Cuppy

Henry VIII had so many wives because his dynastic sense was very strong whenever he saw a maid of honour.

— Will Cuppy

[Footnote:] Pliny the Elder described a Whale called "Balaena or Whirlpool, which is so long and broad as to take up more…

— Will Cuppy

Frogs will eat red-flannel worms fed to them by biologists; this proves a great deal about both parties concerned.

— Will Cuppy

Even as a child back in Indiana, whenever I took a Butterbelly off the hook I used to ask myself, "Does this…

— Will Cuppy

“Would it not be downright cruel to keep him in semi-captivity in a town or city, where the opportunities for wreaking havoc…

— Will Cuppy

Alexander III of Macedon is known as Alexander the Great because he killed more people of more different kinds than any other…

— Will Cuppy

“The average sparrow is something of a bore and the trouble is that all sparrows are average.”

— Will Cuppy

I don't like to boast, but I have probably skipped more poetry than any other person of my age and weight in…

— Will Cuppy

“All modern men are descended from wormlike creatures, but it shows more on some people.”

— Will Cuppy

[Footnote:] The female of any species is generally regarded as a relatively anabolic organism, more passive than the male, who is relatively…

— Will Cuppy

It is because of his brain that [modern man] has risen above the animals. Guess which animals he has risen above.

— Will Cuppy

It's easy to see the faults in people I know; it's hardest to see the good. Especially when the good isn't there.

— Will Cuppy

I am billed as a humorist, but of course I am a tragedian at heart.

— Will Cuppy

We all make mistakes, but intelligence enables us to do it on purpose.

— Will Cuppy

The Earthworm plows the whole world with his tunnels, drains and aerates the earth… If you ever buy any land, be sure…

— Will Cuppy

Other countries may boast of this and that, but nobody can touch the United States for poisonous snakes. We have about twenty…

— Will Cuppy

Etiquette means behaving yourself a little better than is absolutely essential.

— Will Cuppy

We have no Common Vipers in the United States, but we have worse.

— Will Cuppy

Humor springs from rage, hay fever, overdue rent and miscellaneous hell.

— Will Cuppy

The Zebra is striped all over so that the Lion can see him and eat him. Some people say he is striped…

— Will Cuppy

[Footnote:] To give the Beaver his due, he does things because he has to do them, not because he believes that hard…

— Will Cuppy

The wren-box problem is becoming more acute each year, for wrens now demand better housing conditions and labor-saving devices.

— Will Cuppy

“It is really surprising what may be done in the home with a small can of paint, if you aren't careful.”

— Will Cuppy