“If I were deaf, I’d wear loud clothing. My clothes would also be covered in coffee stains, because Helen Keller is my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I ran a few miles, Davis, and they were musical. Then I made love like the sound of a trumpet, as heard… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Cheyenne is shyin’ away from me. Why, Oming? I love you like a herd of buffalo that’s gone the way of what… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Word of mouth is often louder than word of hand, although applause can be deafening. I clap like Helen Keller drank coffee—with… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hear what you say in what you don’t say, you see, because I’m a Helen Keller kind of communicator. Love is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My window of opportunity had blinds in it. Helen Keller and friends were standing there waving at me.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Who wants to be the unsung heroes of my voiceless choir quartet? We’re the Helen Kellers, and I’m holding auditions with oven… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In a blind study conducted by jarodkintz.com, 8 out of 10 people were fans of Helen Keller. 2 out of the 10… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I just invented a new light that shuts off automatically when an ugly person walks in the room. Guaranteed to help them… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am Helen Keller, and so are all my senses. Now that is complete nonsense!” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She’s ultra conservative, while I am ultraviolet. I would show, but I’m beyond what anybody can see. I made her look like… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“How would you define love to an eight-year-old aardvark from Argentina who hears angularly, rather than linearly? I don’t know, but let… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
