There's a thousand reasons why I shouldn't drink... but I can't think of one right now. — Shemp Howard Copy Share Image
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
I enjoy cooking with wine, sometimes I even put it in the food I'm cooking. — Julia Child Copy Share Image
BRANDY, n. A cordial composed on one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave and four parts… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Alcohol is a very necessary article. It enables Parliament to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do… — George Bernard Shaw Copy Share Image
I blew the lot on vodka and tonic, gambling and fags. Looking back, I think I overdid it on the tonic. — Stan Bowles Copy Share Image
It is most absurdly said, in popular language, of any man, that he is disguised in liquor; for, on the contrary, most… — Thomas de Quincey Copy Share Image
A perfect martini should be made by filling a glass with gin then waving it in the general direction of Italy. — Noel Coward Copy Share Image
I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best. — Phyllis Diller Copy Share Image
As long as you represent me as praising alcohol I shall not complain. It is, I believe, the greatest of human inventions,… — H. L. Mencken Copy Share Image
I believe, if we take habitual drunkards as a class, their heads and their hearts will bear an advantageous comparison with those… — Abraham Lincoln Copy Share Image
You can only drink 30 or 40 glasses of beer a day, no matter how rich you are. — Adolphus Busch Copy Share Image
No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or so good as drink. — Gilbert K. Chesterton Copy Share Image
No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer. — John Churchill, 1st Duke of Marlborough Copy Share Image
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and likes to see us happy. — Benjamin Franklin Copy Share Image
Zen martini: A martini with no vermouth at all. And no gin, either. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze… — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
I like to do my principal research in bars, where people are more likely to tell the truth or, at least, lie… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
A horrid alcoholic explosion scatters all my good intentions like bits of limbs and clothes over the doorsteps and into the saloon… — Dylan Thomas Copy Share Image
Drink, sir, is a great provoker of three things . . . nose-painting, sleep, and urine. Lechery, sir, it provokes, and unprovokes;… — William Shakespeare Copy Share Image
The harsh, useful things of the world, from pulling teeth to digging potatoes, are best done by men who are as starkly… — H. L. Mencken Copy Share Image
Alcoholism is the only disease that you can get yelled at for having. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
