Funny alcohol Quotes

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.

— W. C. Fields

It is most absurdly said, in popular language, of any man, that he is disguised in liquor; for, on the contrary, most…

— Thomas de Quincey

Everything in moderation, including moderation.

— Oscar Wilde

Alcohol is a very necessary article. It enables Parliament to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do…

— George Bernard Shaw

You can only drink 30 or 40 glasses of beer a day, no matter how rich you are.

— Adolphus Busch

No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or so good as drink.

— Gilbert K. Chesterton

Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.

— Dave Moulton

There's a thousand reasons why I shouldn't drink... but I can't think of one right now.

— Shemp Howard

I feel sorry for people who do not have a Bible to lean on.

— Adrian Rogers

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer.

— Frank Zappa

I like to have a martini, Two at the very most.

— Dorothy Parker

I blew the lot on vodka and tonic, gambling and fags. Looking back, I think I overdid it on the tonic.

— Stan Bowles

BRANDY, n. A cordial composed on one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave and four parts…

— Ambrose Bierce

Reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol.

— N. F. Simpson

As long as you represent me as praising alcohol I shall not complain. It is, I believe, the greatest of human inventions,…

— H. L. Mencken

You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning.

— Celia Rivenbark

I believe, if we take habitual drunkards as a class, their heads and their hearts will bear an advantageous comparison with those…

— Abraham Lincoln

A perfect martini should be made by filling a glass with gin then waving it in the general direction of Italy.

— Noel Coward

I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.

— W. C. Fields

Don't trust a brilliant idea unless it survives the hangover.

— Jimmy Breslin

I enjoy cooking with wine, sometimes I even put it in the food I'm cooking.

— Julia Child

Don't trust people who don't laugh. I don't.

— Maya Angelou

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

— Phyllis Diller

Alcoholism is the only disease that you can get yelled at for having.

— Mitch Hedberg

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and likes to see us happy.

— Benjamin Franklin