Masturbation is like procrastination, it's all good and fun until you realize you are only fucking yourself. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I was on acid, I would see things like beams of light and I would hear sounds that sounded an awful… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
It is better to be part of a great whole than to be the whole of a small part. — Frederick Douglass Copy Share Image
At fifteen, my mind was bent on learning. At thirty, I stood firm. At forty, I had no doubts. At fifty, I… — Confucius Copy Share Image
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. — Jeff Valdez Copy Share Image
“The Doctor put his finger to his lips and Martha nodded and followed him as quietly as she could. Wet leaves squelched… — Derek Landy Copy Share Image
I started to hallucinate and hear voices as clear as crystal. I heard my family in a casual familial conversation I heard… — Mohamedou Ould Slahi Copy Share Image
Life, in all its uniqueness, would not be life without the negatives and the positives. — Jim Rohn Copy Share Image
“I'll eat rabbit pellets before you get me into something pink with ruffles.” — Deb Baker Copy Share Image
“...You see I believe in that stuff to: yoga and mystical powers. I once knew a man who could kill himself on… — Roman Payne Copy Share Image
Starbucks acts like they're so fancy. You sell hot black water and muffins. Calm down. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When no one is watching: Like a boss. When everyone is looking: Utter dumbass fail — Anonymous Copy Share Image
True bravery is to arrive home ... fully drunk.. a late night out.. and mom waiting with a jharu in hand and… — Sadie Copy Share Image
