Funny Quotes · Page 1,525

It's just like Eddie Sharkey told me along time ago...GET THE MONEY!

— Ricky Rice

At the end, excitement maintained its hysteria.

— Jerry Coleman

Normal Person Flirting: Hey, baby what's going on? Me Flirting: Your face. I like that.

— Anonymous

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.

— Agatha Christie

Thank you so much for breaking my heart because you got me four Grammys.

— Sam Smith

Kent Abbott is in the on-deck circuit.

— Jerry Coleman

The disintegration of your marriage has greatly improved my social life.

— Anonymous

Real men don't wear pink... They eat it! ;)

— Anonymous

'Vicky Donor' proved that the audience was waiting for well-scripted funny films.

— Yami Gautam

Without woman you can build amansion but only a woman can make it home.

— Mak_786

Mike and Harvey finally consummate things, a great cliffhanger

— Patrick J. Adams

Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so…

— Minnie Pearl

I got the wake-up call that no one is policing our oceans. I wondered, how can I do anything? What really can…

— Angela Kinsey

Fashion is not about before, it’s not about after, it’s about now

— Alber Elbaz

For fear you will be alone you do so many things that aren't you at all.

— Richard Brautigan

Tide goes in, tide goes out. Never a miscommunication. You can't explain that. You can't explain why the tide goes in.

— Bill O'Reilly

I love horror. It's funny, because 'The Invitation' never struck me as horror, but it's definitely that type of thriller.

— Karyn Kusama

We can only give away to others what we have inside ourselves.

— Wayne Dyer

Do we have anything in music that really wipes everything out? That just cleans everything away?

— Morton Feldman

A guy at work went in for a competition and won a trip to China. He's out there now...trying to win a…

— Jerry Dennis

Stop saying that humorous and funny people are the happiest people you've ever seen. There something behind that huge smile, loud cackle,…

— Bernajoy Vaal

A critic is someone who meddles with something that is none of his business.

— Paul Gauguin

I said to the wife, Guess what I heard in the pub? They reckon the milkman has made love to every woman…

— Max Kauffmann

Instead of incarcerating pedophiles, why don't we use them as crash test dummies?

— Laura S

What's funny about my resume is so much of what I've done has not been seen.

— Nicholas D'Agosto